Tag Archives: dieting

The Evil of Resolutions

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I no longer post New Year’s resolutions, as the Universe seems to take that as a list of how to mess with me. I do have goals, which I won’t share because the Universe is watching.

However, I just saw to great posts I want to share on dieting vs health. So many of us are planning on dieting, or getting healthy this year, but if you aren’t careful you can make things worse.

So please check out this Ted Talk video. Watch the whole thing. If you stop half way through, you’ll get depressed.

And this amazing post by my friend August on focusing on health and joy.

I hope 2015 is a great year for you all! And good luck on all your goals and resolutions!

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Now We Are Forty

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birthday, forty, Alica Mckenna Johnson

Photo by PublicDomainPictures


So as I turned forty last week, there was a real chance that I was going to spend the day eating ice cream while hiding under the covers. However, my daughter had other plans. It turned out that I had a good day and didn’t fall into a massive depression. YAY! Go me.

I’m not where I was hoping to be, or the size I was hoping to be, or as self-actualized as I was hoping to be by forty.

I have a good job, three novels in various stages of editing, a hubby who puts up with me, two great happy kids, and friends who let me talk about characters as if they’re real people. So all in all everything thing is really good

Phoenix Child, Alica McKenna-Johnson

My New Book Cover!!!! See I have things happening 🙂

But I also feel that this is a turning point, not that my life is going downhill or winding down. I’ve been told by older friends that life begins at forty, so yay!!! But the things I have been unhappy about in my life haven’t changed in five years. Somehow I feel different about these situations, able to see things in a new way and I feel a bit stronger and more capable My bullshit tolerance level has dropped, and I’m less likely to put up with anything.

But I’m also feeling the pressure of should weighing upon me.

Should I wear more conservative ‘grown-up’ clothes now that I’m forty?

Should I only think nasty dirty thoughts about guys who are over thirty, now that I’m forty?

Should I magically have more will power and self-control, now that I’m forty?

Should I stop buying pop-culture tee shirts, now that I’m forty?

I did this same kind of thing when I got pregnant. I gave away my purple Doc Martins, black leather motorcycle jacket, and all my heavy metal CDs because ‘good moms shouldn’t have those things’. I was nineteen and stupid, but as you can see at forty those same limiting thoughts are creeping into my head. At least this time they aren’t winning.

I’m excited to see what the next third of my life holds. Yes, I plan to live until one hundred and twenty. I’m excited to see where my low tolerance for bullshit, self-confidence, and strength take me.
Was forty a difficult birthday for you? Does life really begin after forty?

Type A persona engaged—warp speed ahead!

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Alica Mckenna Johnson, pasta

Photo by Nebulux76

I was watching So You Think You Can Dance, which I love it is one of my favorite shows. So there I am watching these amazing beautiful power dancers, while eating a huge plate of spaghetti. Then they showed this interview with a young male dancer who’d been in a bad car accident, and his back had been broken.

I teared up listening to his parents talk about how scared they were. Listening to his story, watching him work out with the trainer to re-gain his strength and to be able to dance again I was inspired. That he could go through all of that and fight his way back to being able to dance, and dance beautifully, gave me chills.

As I sat there eating spaghetti, I thought about how hard he had he had worked and what he must have suffered through to be able to dance again, to re-claim his body again, and yet somehow I can’t lose ten pounds and keep it off?

I thought about this, about how if this is something I want, then I should fight for it. And that’s when I realized I wasn’t even sure what I was fighting for. I have been overweight for so long that I no longer remember what it is to feel good about how I look. I want to feel sexy, strong, healthy, and confident in my body. I have no idea what that is any more. And in truth the last time I felt that way, I was a teenager. The body I remember liking was two children, 20 plus years, and thousands of cartons of Ben and Jerry’s ago.

Will I even like my body after I lose weight?

I mean I’ll feel better, be healthier, stronger, and when the Doctor comes I’ll be able to run away from Daleks and such. All very important. But will I like it? Will I think I look pretty, sexy, or be happy at all?

I have no idea, and I think that sense of wondering, that not knowing, makes things harder. The dancer could remember what it felt like to spin, leap, and move across a stage. He had a very clear goal in mind. And I think that goal, that focus, helped him get through the hard times.

I don’t have that. When things get hard some I have some ambiguous idea, but no “I’ll be stronger, I’ll be healthier, I’ll fit into a smaller size,” just isn’t that inspiring. And in that moment, I usually give up—I eat something fatty, I sleep instead of working out, I stay up all night to read instead of getting the sleep I know I need.

How do you stay focused on a non-tangible goal? Do you find a goal you can’t quite picture or feel harder to stay committed to?

Brainwashing, it’s not just for cults anymore

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docguy, weight loss , ice cream

Photo by docguy

I am always my own worst enemy. The thoughts that run rampant in my head can take a turn for the worst, and when this happens my life crashes. Of course, I have big batches of time where I am sane-ish, when I get things done, take care of myself, and feel good. But when things tip, when I lose my balance, these thought come rushing in, and suddenly not writing and sleeping all day sounds great. Instead of eating an apple, I eat ice cream, and getting enough sleep? yeah, that’s one big joke.

So how does one stop crazy thoughts?

I could read books. There are plenty of spiritual/ self-help books that focus on being in the here and now, that offer meditations to let those negative thoughts go. But really I don’t have the time, and I would only do it when I’m doing well.

So I have opted for an easier way, a more passive way, and I’m doing it right now. Subliminal messages. Oh, yes. I am employing the ancient art of brainwashing on myself. I am using a series of tapes, some that are subliminal, some guided imagery, some sleep programming.

If I can’t find will power within myself, then I shall brainwash myself into it!

Right now I am doing tapes that focus on health, healthy eating, and weight loss. But they also have ones on creativity, getting more done, overcoming fears, and tons of other topics.

I have had enough of my brain getting in the way of self-discipline, leaving me the moment things get tough. Maybe these won’t work. Maybe they will. The other day I was planning on eating nachos for lunch. I started to grab the stuff and suddenly did not want them anymore. I had fruit instead and an hour later when I was actually hungry, I made a sandwich.

apocalypse, mango, magoes,

Photo by Tatters:)

I figure as long as the messages aren’t turning me into part of some mad woman’s secret assassin army, it’s all good.

Do you have self-discipline? Are you able to keep the negative self-talk to a minimum, or do you also try to drown the voices in egg rolls and cheese cake?

Take it slow and make it hot.

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I like to snack, but I also am hoping to lose weight, and the two don’t always go well together. Of course I do try to eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies, but sometimes I just want something else. So I snack hot.

You see, I have a delicate tongue. I like spicy, but I honestly can’t handle very hot and spicy foods, which means I eat them slower. You are beginning to see the mad brilliance of my plan, aren’t you? When I snack on spicy foods, I can’t eat them as fast, nor can I eat as much. If I do, my tummy will be very unhappy, and in all honesty, my butt the next morning. Ouch.

My favorite slow and spicy snacks:

Dried mango covered in chili: This is sweet and spicy and reminds me of the Mexican tamarind candy. Trader Joe’s has it, and all I can eat is one piece instead of the whole bag of plain dried mango.

Wasabi peas: Not only do I get the crunchy/ salty combo, which is important for any balanced diet, but sometimes a pea will have a lot of wasabi on it and I get a ‘fun’ rush of heat which clears my sinuses and makes my body shudder. So really this is a whole body food.

waasbai peas, Alica Mckenna-Johnson, Isa Costa, spicy snacks

Wasabi Peas by Isa Costa

Hot Cheetos or now as I react badly to MSG, Barbara’s Jalapeño Cheese Puffs : Now these are an extra treat because the nutritional value is much lower, but again I can’t eat as quickly or as many so they get put on the list.

Spicy Chocolate: There are many different brands to choose from, but dark chocolate with chili in it is something to be savored slowly. Make sure to get one with a good kick, or you’ll eat it too fast.

So what is your favorite slow and spicy snack???

Juggling Explosives

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Photo by mbtphoto. Doesn't he make juggling look easy?

Photo by mbtphoto. Doesn’t he make juggling look easy?

Last night I had a minor melt down. I managed to hold off until the kids were in bed then the ugly thoughts and tears began. Now my overly emotional state might have been caused by the email saying I hadn’t placed in a writing competition I’d entered, the fact that I had gone almost a week without thyroid medication, or that I worked straight through the weekend and got the see my husband for only a few minutes each day (I’m rather high maintenance).
No matter the reason, I was in a bad place.

And while I was sorting my clothes- the nice ones to give away and the sweat pants which would fit once I abandoned my diet and stopped exercise, because why does the crazy night clerk at Circle K need to look good. I mean surely Circle K would hire a failed writer, mother, wife, human being right???

I had a thought. Yes, it hurt a lot a little bit, hush! I imagined myself as a juggler trying to keep all these balls in the air, work stuff, paperwork, work kids, personal kids, hubby, house, cooking, writing, sleep, social media, blogging, reading, working out, showering, crap that come along and fucks up my day. And there are all these balls and they are different size (based on importance) and some things like my family and work have more than one ball because, hello, there is a lot of shit to take care of.

Cold, heavy dread suffocated me as my eyes filled with tears. I shuffled to my computer and began filling out on line application to Circle K. I was never going to be able to do all of this, never. Needing a moment to figure out what my assets to the Circle K International team might be I scrounged up a hidden Snickers bar and while numbing my sorrow with chocolate and caramel, I began to imagine my life without writing.

I could still write a little bit, and of course pop in a social media and blogging enough to maintain what I had already created but I couldn’t keep trying to pretend I could do it all, when I was obviously failing at EVERYTHING!!!
So after moping about and finishing my Snickers bar, I decided to go to bed. I stumbled over the pile of clothes and as I brushed my teeth, not looking in the mirror because I didn’t need to see the evidence of five years of dieting failure at that particular moment, I had another less painful thought.

What if I gave each of the three main areas in my life one hour?

What if I gave one hour during my six ours off per day to my family? I could clean (we have a small apartment so I could get a lot done) I could prep food for dinner, or put together something, or put something in the crock pot. Sure my family isn’t home, but I can still support them and the space they live in by doing 1 hour a day. AND, because I am a multi-tasking fiend, I can listen to audio books while I’m doing so.

Okay this was sounding reasonable, which is not something I normally hear from the voices in my head so I paid close attention.

If I also gave 1 hour of focused time to work, one hour where I did something focused with the kids (preferably) or paperwork (an occasional necessity) I would feel better about how I’m doing my job. And I already read to them at bedtime, so 30min are already getting done, if I’m having a bad day and need to count it in.

This plan also gives me 1 hour to dedicate to writing every day. One hour where I will focus on my writing and nothing else.

Now I can still check Facebook and Twitter while the kids watch Sponge Bob, and I can read blogs while I eat lunch. Multi-tasking can still happen. But maybe, just maybe I will feel like less of a failure at life if I focus some time every day on the three areas I feel like I am always sucking at.

What do you think? How do you juggle your life?

Riding the Yo-Yo from Hell

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Photo by BestofWDW


What do you get when you mix a full moon, a moon time (i.e. my period), a cold, and the stress of the holidays? You get the emotional instability I like to call, The Yo-Yo Ride from Hell.

I am doing my best to make sure the yo-yo comes back up. Which means eating well, getting enough sleep, and exercise. And when the yo-yo is up I remind myself to be inspired by people’s successes and to not compare my journey to theirs. To breathe and take everything one step at a time. To try to find solutions instead of wallowing in problems.

Unfortunately as we all know a yo-yo also go down. Down into the deep, dank, dark, despair of my despondent, desperate, desires.

Photograph by chatblanc1


Like many people money is a trigger for me, and also like many people I didn’t plan, save, or shop ahead, and the holiday’s loom before me. On the up swings I am planning caramels, small knitted projects, and thoughtful gifts I can afford for the few people I can get them for. And I know that those who love me understand. On the down swing I am a FAILURE. A miserable, pathetic failure who knows better dammit! And everyone is judging me!!!!

I have told many people that my favorite Christmas was the one I began shopping for in August because it was so relaxed. Have I ever done this again- NO of course not, that would be crazy to repeat something that had worked so well the first time.

So on my down-swings I am trying to breathe, watch happy things on youtube, sleep well, and remind myself that this is temporary, not only will the yo-yo go up but also, eventually I will be able to get off this ride. And on the flip side, being broke means I can pretend to be righteously shunning the shopping madness of Black Friday and Cyber Monday. We’ll ignore the fact that if I’d had money I would have shopped Cyber Monday. 🙂

So how are all of you doing this season? Are you stressing out or have you been saving and shopping early and get to glide through the holidays on fluffy pink clouds of happiness?

Photo by TheAlieness GiselaGiardino²³’

What I Learned from my 30 days of Fruit Only

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Now that I have completed my thirty day cleanse I have gathered up some tips to share and hopefully remind myself of what I want to be doing.

1. If you are planning on increasing the amount of fresh fruits and vegetables you eat, brush your teeth more. The increase of acids can make teeth and gums sensitive. I would also recommend a toothpaste with baking soda; it helped me a lot.

2. If you have decided, or need to for health reasons, cut something out of your diet, don’t try to make new versions of old favorites right away. I’ll give an example. Let’s say you are removing dairy from your diet. For the first month don’t buy the substitute dairy products, or try to make vegan versions of favorite dishes. Make all new things, try different types of foods, and new recipes. The reason for this is twofold. One: if you wait a month, the non-dairy substitutes will taste better because your memory of the ‘real thing’ will have faded some. Second: if you are constantly trying to recreate favorites and they don’t taste the same, you will feel a lot more deprived because of what you are giving up. So for the first month of a new diet (and I mean change to a healthy diet not a fad to drop weight before an event), have fun experimenting with new recipes and wait to recreate favorites until that first month has passed.

3. Greedy eaters (don’t turn away from the computer you know who you are . . . ) You are the person who unfortunately lives with other people, and therefore there are others who eat your food. Normally this isn’t an issue, but when something yummy is served for a meal you overeat so they don’t eat it all! Oh, I’ve been here many times. Rod will serve something delicious for dinner, and I eat it all, maybe even lick my plate clean, and I’m full. But I want more, because it tasted good and because I don’t want my kids to eat it all! So I go and get more even though I’m not in the least bit hungry. Don’t worry, I have a solution: containers. Instead of getting seconds, get a portion-sized container and put some away for later. Don’t worry – if your family twitches when you get the container out of the cupboard, it just means the training with the cattle prod was successful and they won’t be touching your food. 🙂 Now that you have your second serving safely stored in the fridge where no one will touch it, you turn and glare at your family who all twitch slightly. Oh, yes, your food is safe. You can go about the rest of your night. You could eat it later or you could have it tomorrow for lunch. I adore leftovers for lunch. But the point is knowing that you have the option of eating more later will hopefully keep you from overindulging in the moment.

4. Eat the fruits and veggies first. A very common and healthy way to reduce calorie intake is to eat more fruits and veggies, which is fabulous. However, if I end my meal with a salad, I might feel deprived. I find that if I eat my salad first, then ‘fill up’ on the main dish I feel more satisfied. By eating fruits and veggies first I fill up on that lovely fiber. Then when I eat the main dish, I feel full faster and emotionally satisfied. I’m not eating small portions of the food I really enjoy then forcing myself to eat salad after because I can’t have any more. Don’t get me wrong, I love salad, but if I want to eat a small portion of homemade mac ’n’ cheese, I need to eat my salad first. Otherwise, I will go back for seconds.

5. DVR your shows, or watch them on DVD. I counted and in a one hour show there were twelve food commercials. You don’t need those constant taunts from food which typically look a lot better than they taste.

6. Stop watching food porn! As much fun as Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives is, watching it won’t help you stick to your new healthy eating choices. Unless the show is about cooking meals in your new plan don’t watch them, just skip over those channels, maybe watch sci-fi: those movie certainly won’t make you hungry.

7. Listen to your own body and do what is right for you. I know that I feel better when I don’t eat dairy. I am not saying that you must give up dairy, but that is what works best for me. What works best for you? I tried going slow, being gentle with myself, and going for my goal slowly didn’t work for me. I needed something more drastic to help break my unhealthy emotional eating habits. But what do you need? Will adding more fruits and veggies or reducing portions a little at a time work best for you, or do you need to do something more intense? Both are fine as long as you have support and help to make sure what you are doing is safe. Only you know what you need; trust yourself.

8. Buy new dishes, pretty dishes, small dishes. Seriously, perception is everything. If you are used to piling pasta all over a large plate, then you start measuring your portions, you will feel deprived when you see so little on your plate. If you get some nice dishes that are smaller, your new portion size won’t seem as much of a sacrifice.

9. Sleep. Getting enough sleep is so important to living a healthy lifestyle. You might be rolling your eyes, but when you don’t get enough sleep, your body starts looking for fuel to burn, aka food. And I honestly have yet to meet someone who goes looking for a nice salad with lean proteins when they are tired. No, you get a fancy coffee drink, then a huge pastry. But the carb loading doesn’t stop there, because all of that was too sweet so now you need something salty, to balance everything out. Next thing you know, you’re eating a sandwich made of Nutella and potato chips! When tired, your body craves fast-burning fuel, and you don’t have the emotional or mental strength to put a stop to those cravings. Please get enough sleep, it will make everything so much easier.

10. Find a physical activity you enjoy. It doesn’t have to be a hard-core cardio or muscle-building activity, just something. As good as it feels to lose weight and put on a pair of jeans that you hadn’t been able to squeeze into for a while, it feels even better to improve in something you love. When you lose weight you are able to walk faster, stretch deeper, you don’t lose your breath as quickly, your movements are cleaner, and all of these little things translate into being better at something you enjoy.

11. Emotional eating is expensive, so why are you trying to make your self-nurturing cheap or free? When I make a list of things I can do to reduce stress, take care of myself, or simply enjoy, I always try to make a list of the cheap or free things I can do instead of emotionally eating, but why? Sure, I can’t afford to get a massage every day, but when I get overly stressed out and turn to emotional eating I don’t buy just a candy bar. I also get a bag of chips, order a pizza, then Chinese food, then I want some ice cream, and the list goes on. Emotional eating doesn’t actually help, so I just keep eating. And this gets really expensive. So imagine you are starting to feel stressed and instead of getting that first ‘treat,’ you make an appointment for a message, or a pedicure, or plan going to the movies, or whatever it is that will help you feel better and truly nurture yourself. Wouldn’t you feel better knowing you were properly taking care of yourself?

I hope these tips for a healthy lifestyle help, and please share your own. What works for you? What do you need to have to stay focused on the life you really want? What tips can you share for living healthy?

I am out of town, we’re taking all the work kids to beach then I go to a drug awareness workshop so I won’t be back until June 22nd. Please leave comments, I promise to respond as soon as I get back! I can’t wait to see what you said.

And of course since this is Monday we need some music. This is one of my favorite Shakira songs, I love playing her music when I clean it makes it go faster and I get some shimmy practice in 🙂

Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful

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Because I am out of town Kassandra Lamb, a retired psychotherapist turned mystery writer, has agreed to post today to keep all of you entertained. So give Kassandra a warm Arm Chair Adventures welcome!

“Don’t Hate Me Because I’m Beautiful”

Are you old enough to remember the 1980’s Pantene shampoo commercial that made this line famous? Or perhaps it resonates because of the lyrics in Keri Hilson’s much more recent “Pretty Girl Rock.” Actually I could have sworn that Elizabeth Taylor said it first, but, after a quick romp around the Internet, I was not able to prove this.

Unfortunately, for all too many of us, the answer to that line would be “I don’t hate you; I hate myself because I’m not beautiful.” And sadly there are a lot of people in our society, especially women, who would say that even while those of us around them are secretly envying their beauty. Not only has physical attractiveness become the main criteria for okayness in our society but most people actually see themselves as a lot less attractive than they actually are.

Why is that? If being beautiful, handsome, adorable, is what makes us valuable, than why aren’t we all clamoring that we are beautiful, handsome, adorable? Oh, if only the connection between self-esteem and body image were that simple.

The reality is that if we feel poorly about ourselves, for a variety of reasons, than we are going to perceive our package as not okay, no matter how beautiful we are. One quote that I did find for Elizabeth Taylor, who was drop-dead gorgeous and an incredibly talented actress, was, “I don’t like my voice. I don’t like the way I look. I don’t like the way I move. I don’t like the way I act. I mean, period. So, you know, I don’t like myself.”

Interestingly, she did admit that, “…when I was a little girl, my father was abusive when he drank and seemed to kind of like to bat me around a bit.” Could explain the low self-esteem.

On the other hand, if we perceive our bodies as less than attractive, in our society at least, this tends to undermine our self-esteem. I am one of the few women, amongst my circle of friends and acquaintances, who actually sees my body fairly accurately. Until my late thirties, I was, and perceived myself as, a reasonably slender, moderately attractive woman, with nice hair, warm brown eyes, a cheerful smile and less than perfect skin. I liked my appearance basically, or at least I wasn’t displeased with it.

Then I developed a problem with my thyroid and experienced the onset of middle-aged spread in a huge way (and I mean that literally). In less than a year, I ballooned from 125 pounds to 160, and suddenly I found myself feeling insecure–a feeling I had not experienced in the last 15 years! I was shocked that my self-esteem, that I had always assumed was grounded in my intelligence and other talents, was that easily shaken by a shift in my appearance.

Over the next decade, I slowly came to grips with the betrayal of my body, which is a good thing, since I gained another 15 pounds before the doctors finally got my thyroid problem under control. Now I’m pushing sixty (hard) and I’m back to thinking I don’t look half bad for my age, since I still have the hair, eyes, smile combo going for me. But a lesson was definitely learned about how fragile our self-esteem can be, in the U.S. of A., when our bodies are less than perfect.


This whole issue of body image and self-esteem has been on my mind lately because, in my book that just came out, Family Fallacies, the protagonist, Kate–a woman of average attractiveness–is being wooed by a very handsome guy. He’s six-five, 240 pounds of mostly muscle, with gold flecks in his hazel eyes and an easy-going, sexy grin.

*stopping to fan face; must be having a hot flash*

Her good friend, Rob, is very uneasy about this budding romance, and it takes awhile for him to realize that the disparity in their appearance is the reason for his distrust.

That brings me to the next and, I think, optimistic point. Research has found that people tend to be attracted to those of a similar level of attractiveness. This is good news for those of us in the butt-ugly to moderately attractive range. There is someone out there, probably several someones, who will find us cute, or at least will be relieved that we’re no prettier than they are!

The reader discovers, as the book progresses (with mysterious things happening; well, because it is a mystery after all), that Kate’s suitor wasn’t always a hunk. He was a late bloomer.

Which brings me to the last of my points about this complicated interaction between body image and self-esteem. The body image we develop in our teens may very well continue in our brains long after we’re grown. I had a male colleague who was quite thin (naturally; he was not anorexic), and yet he admitted that he still tended to see himself, in his mind’s eye, as chunky because he had been a chunky teenager, until he grew into his weight during a late growth spurt. That’s where I got the idea for my character’s body image issues. At one point, he confesses to Kate that he often does a double-take when he walks past a mirror, because his internal self-image is of the short, scrawny sixteen-year-old that he once was.

Do you know anyone like that, whose body image is dictated by something other than reality? Does any of this resonate for you? What are your thoughts about the link between body image and self-esteem?

Thank you so much, Alica, for your hospitality!

And to show my appreciation, anyone who comments below will automatically be entered in our contest to win a free e-book set of the first three books of my mystery series. And if you go to www.misteriopress.com and comment there, your name will go in the hat twice. The winner will be announced this Friday, here and on misterio press. You can also pick up an extra chance or two of winning by commenting at the two stops left in my little romp around the blogosphere.

Thursday, I’ll be talking about getting A Check-Up From the Neck Up with some tips for maintaining good mental health at Ginger Calem’s cyber-home, http://gingercalem.wordpress.com
Friday, I’ll be chatting with Jennifer L. Oliver about writing, eating and puppy dogs (no, we’re not eating puppy dogs) at http://www.small-escapes.com

Hope to see you there, and good luck in the contest!

Kass Lamb

Thank you Kass, it is very interesting how much the number on the scale can effect how we feel about ourselves!
You can find Kass’ book Family Fallacies at B&N and Amazon

Last days of my 30 day cleanse!!

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Sorry there are no pictures my daughter left her camera at a friends house.

Day 22- I am feeling much better- I didn’t eat much today an apple and some raspberries. Hubby make me guacamole with cucumbers and a few olives. It takes me two hours to eat it all my tummy has shrunk and it still delicate.

Day 23- Tummy hurt this morning, I only drank juice until it was almost time to go to work. I am sick of this stomach thing.

Day 24- Didn’t sleep well, tummy still hurts in the am, I don’t want to eat, I don’t even feel hungry however being light headed and shaky lets me know I need to eat. This was not how I wanted to spend my third week of this cleanse. Grrrr, maybe it will be for the best.

Day 25- I’m not even going to complain about my stomach any more- its pointless. Had to take the kids shopping. God they are so friggin’ expensive! $70 for a bath suite- it does have silver skulls on it, but still ouch. And I won’t even discuss the cost for the graduation gift for Logan’s girlfriend. Let’s just say he will be taking his sister and her friend to the pool all summer without complaining!

Day 26- Being sick and not eating has dumped my writers brain in a dank dark well full of self pity where no one really likes me and any second everyone is going to tell me everything that they hate about me. Sometimes being creative sucks! I’m trying to not wallow in self pity and spend most of my day reading and napping until I have to go back to work.

My current house full of kids really needs a lot of one on one guidance, I wish I had more patience today.

Day 27- Tummy pain didn’t last as long today. So I am forcing myself to eat fruit- one type at a time and chew well. I am also trying my best to make myself get stuff done. I simply have too much to do.

So through all this crazy I did have a realization, I never do only one thing. Never, when I drive I’m plotting or working out a scene. Right now, I’m writing this, watching over five children, the TV is on, and I’m cooking dinner. When I watch movies I’m knitting, scanning social media, or doing paperwork. I have so much going on, work, family, writing and all that goes with it, I feel like I can never stop or slow down.

I need to do one thing at a time. Not always, I can watch over children and read blogs, write, or catch up on FB and Twitter. But every once in a while I think I need to slow down and do one thing. Play a game with the kids without feeling guilty. I would love to write without ten other things distracting me. It would be nice to just relax and not let guilt gnaw away at me while I’m trying to enjoy myself or focus.

You know what else I just noticed? If I’m doing paperwork or other ‘important work related stuff’ I don’t feel as guilty, but playing, writing, checking up on my FB friends I feel totally guilty if I’m doing just that, but as I also know it’s important I will allow it to get in the way of me setting my laptop down and doing something else, something just for fun.

I need to work on this.

Day 28- Felt really good today. Went and did personal training with Evil, I wore my True Blood “It Hurt So Good’ t-shirt apparently this only encourages him. I need to remember this. Hung out with hubby- kids were both gone 🙂 During lunch he was eating potatoes with cheese and enchilada sauce all over them. I thought about making out with him between bites just so I could taste what he was eating, but decided this was a little pathetic even for me.

Day 29 I didn’t work out today, things were busy. I sat around and read, which was fun, but I’m getting antsy and constantly have several book ideas bouncing around me head, I need to start writing again before someone notices I’m crazy and locks me up.

Day 30 I made it!! I didn’t cheat once, and while I wish I had lost more weight I feel like I’ve accomplished my goal of breaking unhealthy eating patterns. My plan now is to add salads to my diet and slowly bring in other foods. While eating something gooey and fried pops into my mind my stomach instantly rejects the idea.

I’ve learned a lot for this experience. I’ve learned that eating doesn’t help my emotional state at all. I’ve learned I am strong enough to resist unhealthy foods and eating habits. I’ve learned that I feel so much better when I am eating well. And I’ve learned that the support of my friends means so much to me. Thank you to everyone who read and commented on my blog as I’ve been doing this. You’re encouragement and support helped me so much!

I am planning on continuing to post once a week, probably on Tuesday were I will talk about how I’m doing, what new revelations have come to me, recipes and reviews of foods.