Tag Archives: fruit

Last days of my 30 day cleanse!!

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Sorry there are no pictures my daughter left her camera at a friends house.

Day 22- I am feeling much better- I didn’t eat much today an apple and some raspberries. Hubby make me guacamole with cucumbers and a few olives. It takes me two hours to eat it all my tummy has shrunk and it still delicate.

Day 23- Tummy hurt this morning, I only drank juice until it was almost time to go to work. I am sick of this stomach thing.

Day 24- Didn’t sleep well, tummy still hurts in the am, I don’t want to eat, I don’t even feel hungry however being light headed and shaky lets me know I need to eat. This was not how I wanted to spend my third week of this cleanse. Grrrr, maybe it will be for the best.

Day 25- I’m not even going to complain about my stomach any more- its pointless. Had to take the kids shopping. God they are so friggin’ expensive! $70 for a bath suite- it does have silver skulls on it, but still ouch. And I won’t even discuss the cost for the graduation gift for Logan’s girlfriend. Let’s just say he will be taking his sister and her friend to the pool all summer without complaining!

Day 26- Being sick and not eating has dumped my writers brain in a dank dark well full of self pity where no one really likes me and any second everyone is going to tell me everything that they hate about me. Sometimes being creative sucks! I’m trying to not wallow in self pity and spend most of my day reading and napping until I have to go back to work.

My current house full of kids really needs a lot of one on one guidance, I wish I had more patience today.

Day 27- Tummy pain didn’t last as long today. So I am forcing myself to eat fruit- one type at a time and chew well. I am also trying my best to make myself get stuff done. I simply have too much to do.

So through all this crazy I did have a realization, I never do only one thing. Never, when I drive I’m plotting or working out a scene. Right now, I’m writing this, watching over five children, the TV is on, and I’m cooking dinner. When I watch movies I’m knitting, scanning social media, or doing paperwork. I have so much going on, work, family, writing and all that goes with it, I feel like I can never stop or slow down.

I need to do one thing at a time. Not always, I can watch over children and read blogs, write, or catch up on FB and Twitter. But every once in a while I think I need to slow down and do one thing. Play a game with the kids without feeling guilty. I would love to write without ten other things distracting me. It would be nice to just relax and not let guilt gnaw away at me while I’m trying to enjoy myself or focus.

You know what else I just noticed? If I’m doing paperwork or other ‘important work related stuff’ I don’t feel as guilty, but playing, writing, checking up on my FB friends I feel totally guilty if I’m doing just that, but as I also know it’s important I will allow it to get in the way of me setting my laptop down and doing something else, something just for fun.

I need to work on this.

Day 28- Felt really good today. Went and did personal training with Evil, I wore my True Blood “It Hurt So Good’ t-shirt apparently this only encourages him. I need to remember this. Hung out with hubby- kids were both gone 🙂 During lunch he was eating potatoes with cheese and enchilada sauce all over them. I thought about making out with him between bites just so I could taste what he was eating, but decided this was a little pathetic even for me.

Day 29 I didn’t work out today, things were busy. I sat around and read, which was fun, but I’m getting antsy and constantly have several book ideas bouncing around me head, I need to start writing again before someone notices I’m crazy and locks me up.

Day 30 I made it!! I didn’t cheat once, and while I wish I had lost more weight I feel like I’ve accomplished my goal of breaking unhealthy eating patterns. My plan now is to add salads to my diet and slowly bring in other foods. While eating something gooey and fried pops into my mind my stomach instantly rejects the idea.

I’ve learned a lot for this experience. I’ve learned that eating doesn’t help my emotional state at all. I’ve learned I am strong enough to resist unhealthy foods and eating habits. I’ve learned that I feel so much better when I am eating well. And I’ve learned that the support of my friends means so much to me. Thank you to everyone who read and commented on my blog as I’ve been doing this. You’re encouragement and support helped me so much!

I am planning on continuing to post once a week, probably on Tuesday were I will talk about how I’m doing, what new revelations have come to me, recipes and reviews of foods.

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Mad ramblings from the second week of a cleanse.

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Another yummy breakfast

Day 8- When they say sleep is important, especially if you are working towards a healthier lifestyle they mean it. This morning it was very difficult to keep to my fruit cleanse. I wanted fast carbs- white flour and sugar like crazy. Got all the kids off to school, then slept. I feel better now, but I’m still groggy and I can feel that my patience isn’t as high as I need it to be for work. I will breath, smile, and remind myself that this is temporary.

I got a new kid tonight, he seems nice, but I never sleep well when I have a new kid in the house. Not looking forward to tomorrow.

Day 9- Doing okay, I’m emotional- which today mean pissy. Got through my morning, and then did personal training at the gym. While suffering Evil’s plots and what I know to be a contest personal trainers hold to see who can get their clients to do the craziest stuff- I had a great book idea. Demons hiding as personal trainers. Evil laughed, just wait I will write it and in my book, Evil will not have hot wild sex with anyone!

Had a protein shake when I got home. I’m getting tired of fruit (imagine that) which means I’m eating less, but I’m still feeling good except for the emotional crap. Read up on voodoo (yes you should be scared), napped, took a bath so I could walk later. My mind was racing with really negative thoughts so I took some Melissa. Is this just because I haven’t slept well or is it part of the cleanse? Are old emotions releasing? Or am I panicking because I am no longer supporting my armor of fat?

Or maybe it’s showing me that not every day is a beautiful synchronistic day. Some days suck, some just are, and some your in the flow.

There’s a Zen story about two monks walking a sheer mountain path to get to their temple. A storm comes in and they can’t see except when the lighting crackles through the air. At which time they move forward as far as they can and wait for the next burst of lightning. The moral is the enlightenment isn’t the sun shining constantly, but burst of clarity that helps us move forward a bit at a time.

I like this, I’m going with the Zen.

Subdued three small children with apples- see fruit it a powerful thing 🙂

Dinner of cucumbers, avocado, and tomatoes. It’s yummier then it looks.

Day 10- Lots of moodiness. Definitely some emotional cleansing going on. I don’t want to eat fruit, so I’m pouting a lot. But physically I still feel really good.

Day 11- Okay I was tested big time. One of my kids lost his mind, while I wasn’t there. I was at a function for my daughter’s school – yes again- when I find out how bad his fit was. Poor things had to be removed from our place. So here I am upset I wasn’t there, feeling guilty one of ‘my kids’ is putting my co-workers and friends through all of this and I surrounded by pizza and cookies.
I didn’t eat any, and tried very hard to remind myself that I am not responsible for other people actions. That if I was working and one of them was off I would take care of it because that’s what we do.

Tala did awesome at the talent show, and I was able to calm down enough to enjoy it. But once I got home to anxiety crept up and I felt nauseous with guilt.

I felt this way until everything was settled at the hospital and my friend was home.
If I hadn’t been cleansing while I waited I would have been eating total crap. And I realized that while I would have felt full, and nauseous and added in more guilt for eating so much and poorly I wouldn’t have felt any better. Medicating with food doesn’t do any good. It doesn’t make me feel any better. I hope I remember this when I am done cleansing.

I don’t make myself food this pretty

Day 12- Today I have learned to tell the difference between a mistake I make and feeling responsible for stuff I have no control over. I did this because I made a mistake, and instead of feeling overwhelmed and out of control I was able to find solutions and work to fix it. When I’m feeling guilty and responsible for something that isn’t my fault, such as hubby getting a flat tire, there are no solutions.

Food wise I had to peel an avocado and take bites of it because I forgot my spoon and knife when we went to the park. I’m pretty sure I looked rather special in that moment.

Day 13- I didn’t eat enough today. Hubby made me a lovely breakfast, but after that he was busy until dinner and I worked all day- as I do on the weekends, and I was pouting because I didn’t want to eat fruit so I wound up with a headache and moody.

Watch out for berry thieves!

Day 14- I got two little boys late last night and didn’t go to bed until midnight. I was up at 5:30am to start getting kids up and about for school. I ate most of my breakfast but my two new ones 4 and 5 decided my fruit looked better then their cereal and kept stealing my berries. They are super cute, so I let it happen.

Worked out today and napped. Not much else. Keeping up with three little kids and two med sized kids takes a lot of energy! However I did feel good on the fruit only 🙂

Battle!!!

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FYI- this post hasn’t been edited because I’m feeling inspired right now and because this is a raw subject so I’m letting myself be raw and vulnerable. Okay I’m a day late posting and don’t have time to get it edited- but the vulnerable thing sounded good right?

Today is the day I stop ‘trying to lose weight’ and do it. Six years ago I began my battle with my body, trying different things to lose weight. I would say out loud that I wanted to be healthy and feel better. I have a daughter whose self esteem I’m trying to preserve. But it always came down to numbers on the scale and tag of clothes.

Anyway as I’m sure it is for most of you the battle never ends. It’s a yo-yo ride of horror, where you eat well, exercise, say your positive affirmations and lose some weight. Then something happens. You fight with your spouse, stress because of an asshole at work, you get on the scale which hasn’t changed much and you try to console yourself that you have lost inches and gone down a dress size and muscle weighs more then fat, but that number on the fucking scale burns through everything good leaving a gaping wound which can only be filled by fried chocolaty things.

*crickers chirping* okay maybe that last one is just me.

Point being something happens, maybe it’s a good thing like a party. And you eat. You eat yummy greasy things that make you feel heavy, then numb. And the world is a tough place and dealing with emotions when you have so much to get done can be challenging, and numb feels really good right now. So you order some Chinese food and turn on re-runs of Big Bang Theory and become happily numb.

And, of course, you gain all the weight right back.

So for the past six years this has been me. I’d like to think I am smarter then this, that I would have learned some trick, or sucked it the fuck up and just pushed past it, but I didn’t and I actually weight more now then when I started.

So I am calling out a battle cry against the yo-yo of evil. I am going to break through my bad eating habits, and work on the emotional aspect while doing it- see I can learn.

Why now? You might ask, well really it’s a depressing story and involves crying in Target after trying on jeans on my birthday- lets just not go there.

My master plan I shall share with you. I am doing a cleanse for 30days. I have done it before and have my Personal Trainer and a nutritionist (okay my hubby with tons of life experience) helping me out. I will have a protein shake after working out, and the rest of the time eat raw fruit. My goal is to cleanse my body of all the crap I’ve been eating and break my addictions to carbs, salt, fat, sugar, and gooeyness.

I also want to break my cycle of eating until I’m numb and ignoring my emotions. So to do this I will be following the advice I read in an article on Oprah’s site which talked about emotional eating, you can read it here

Bob Greene talks about making a pie chart with eight segments and putting down the eight things that are most important to you. Then you color in the sections you feel are good in your life. The ones you don’t fill in are places you are trying to eat to fill up. Interesting. So, I will also being doing this, and trying to work on the emotional reasons I eat.

Here are my eight-

1-My kids

2- My hubby

3- Work

4- Writing

5- Friends

6- Spirituality/ self reflection/ personal growth

7- Fun

8- Financial Security

I will continue to write in my gratitude journal, and I’m going to focus on adding more joy into my life. Also I’m going to work on accepting that I am an emotionally sensitive person. I cry at commercials. I am dramatic and use my hands a lot when I speak. And this is okay. I’m not broken. I don’t have to change, or suck it up, or fix anything. Yes, there are times and places for things, but I’m an adult and I can wait to freak out, I don’t need to numb myself so I don’t feel it at all. And no matter how intense my emotions I’m strong enough to handle them. They won’t break me.

So, have you managed to defeat the evil yo-yo?

What would your eight things be?

How do you handle your emotions when it isn’t safe to express them right then?