What Would You Build?

Photo by Dave Stokes

Yes, it is once again time to ponder the apocalypse. And today’s question is What Would You Build? Pretending that you have the resources, what would you like to build before the end times come?

A castle surrounded by a moat? And not just any castle but one that could withstand a siege. One with a blacksmith, and livestock, and gardens. One with secret passages and hidden rooms. One where the moat is filled with piranhas or crocodiles or some mutant, bad-tempered sea bass.

Maybe you are more of a missile silo type person. Something where only one story is above ground, and three two-foot-thick locking steel doors separate the vulnerable top floor from the bottom ten floors. Inside you have fully furnished rooms, a greenhouse, not sure about livestock—that will depend on the ventilation—but maybe some chickens. Rooms dedicated to all sorts of activities. Really, the point is you could easily stay down in the silo for years if needed.

Maybe you don’t want to be trapped inside a building, so your plan is to build a massive booby-trapped fence around a large farm. There will be several homes for those few people you are willing to put up with, and acres of cultivated land with some set aside for grazing animals. Your tools are all old-fashioned; you will not need gasoline or electricity to get the job done. You have set up buildings to preserve foods, make raw wool into clothing and blankets, tan leather, and store vegetables. You are ready; you even have 100 pairs of overall stacked in the closet.

Photo by artic_whirlwind

Are you going to build a fleet of airships? You will dominate the air! You will be like a god, floating down into villages with food and goods from around the country. You will train my own staff. Costumes and uniforms are being designed, and certain people will be required to wear eye patches.

Are you going to create the techno city of the future? You have downloaded all that is on Amazon and Netflix. You will install solar, wind, and hydro power. You will have the waste system create methane. You will create the new Las Vegas! It will be a a hotbed of sin, debauchery, and self-indulgence. The finest moonshiners from the Appalachians will be brought in. And for those of more refined taste you will have a winery for your drinking pleasure. You shall rename yourself Bacchus, and life will be one big party.

So what kind of post apocalypse future will you be building?

What Will You Hoard?

Photo by fekaylius

Ah yes, the End Times have come, zombies shuffle down the street dropping bits of skin as they go, you’ve already killed the top five on your “Who I Will Kill off Pretending They Are Zombies” list. So now what?

The first rush of rioters have cleaned out the alcohol, Oreos, and big screen TV’s. Most of this first rush are hiding in the closets, crying, or already dead. You chuckle remembering the big Apocalypse party they held across the street. The people were so drunk that when the zombies ate them, they couldn’t walk. If America’s Funniest Home Videos comes back you have a winner for sure.

Good Times.

Well, now it’s your turn. The first-run idiots took stuff to get them through the day, but you are planning on surviving and leading humanity into its glorious return!!

What Will It Be?

What will you go out and pillage? What supplies will make your top ten list? I’ll even make it easy and say you have some mode of transportation, car, horse drawn cart, steam engine, or dirigible. Whatever you want, the point it weight and space don’t have to be an option.

My top ten items to hoard:

Dental floss. There are plenty of recipes for simple toothpaste, but I bet it will take a while before someone is making enough thread that we can use it for dental floss and not just to sew clothes.

How To Books. This covers a lot, but I want books on how to make and do everything. Canning, blacksmithing, tanning, farming, carpentry, knitting, sewing, animal care. The list is endless, but I will gather as many as possible. I will probably go with used bookstores first as the older the book, the less technology it will use.

Solar. Anything and everything solar I can get my grubby little hands on. Unless something happens to wipe out all electricity permanently, solar should work to run places independently. And, people, I’m going to want my Kindle up and running.

Photo by EBKauai

Yarn and fabric. Yep, I will be raiding yarn and fabric stores. Finally I will have that beautiful hand dyed silk yarn from Japan!!! The clothes we are wearing will only last so long, then we will need new ones.

Shoes, I don’t know how to make shoes and while hubby can make moccasins, I will be pillaging stores for shoes, especially hiking boots. Having a good pair of shoes can mean the difference between life and death in a survival situation.

Photo by Bods

Baking soda. This is used in many types of cleaners from toothpastes to mixes to scrub pots. I’m not sure how to get baking soda outside of a grocery store, so until I learn how to make it, I want to have a good supply.

Condoms. Hello! People are going to want to have sex, and STD’s aren’t just going to vanish. Yes, controlling whether you get pregnant or not is important, but not nearly as important as avoiding an STD that can kill you.

Organic seeds.I specify organic because some companies are adding things into their seeds which can prevent the plants from reproducing on their own. So I shall be gathering up as many organic seeds as I can.

Cast Iron. Nothing beats cast iron. It will hold up to a lot, you can cook with it on an open fire, and it makes a very handy weapon.

Water purifiers.Bad water can kill, and while many of the portable ones make the water taste like crap, we won’t always have time to sit and boil water. Clean water is vital, and I want to make sure I have access to it until we get a permanent settlement established. Which we will call ‘This Land,’ and if you don’t get the reference, you can’t come in. LOL!

So what have I missed? What are some of the things on your top ten things to hoard list? Don’t forget to go over your top ten lists with your teams; you want to have as much variety as possible.

Where will You Go?

Photo by Cole Vassiliou

There are a few of us who live far enough away for others that our current homes will be a safe choice for the End Times. However most of us need to get the heck out of where ever we live to a safe place. Cities will be overrun with mobs, dead bodies, and backed up sewers. Places with water pumped in, like where I live in the middle of the Sonoran Desert, have only a few days of water before people start dropping like flies.

So where will you go?

Sure you want to look at water tables, chemical and nuclear facilities, and weather. But, come on, what’s really important is what kind of food can you grow there?

Who knows how many years it could take before trade starts up again, so what can’t you live without?

If you love seafood you’ll need to be near the ocean. What kind? If it’s lobster, up north you go. Shrimp, you need to head south.

Photo by cellar_door_films

Blueberries, raspberries, and blackberries all need cold dormant time. So do all stone fruits such as peaches. This means snowy areas. However if you want oranges and avocados you need heat.

Photo by L E Carmichael

Oh, yes, you are going to have to choose. And if chocolate is what you can’t live without., then you best start finding a way to travel down to South America.

So, where will you go? What foods will you be willing to give up and what can’t you imagine your life without?

Who Is On Your Team?

Photo by Lynn Kelley Author

The Apocalypse is here! Yes, grab your guns and lets start killing . . . um I mean grab your survival gear and let’s work together so the human race doesn’t go extinct.

So today’s questions is : Who Is On Your Team?

Team 1: I am an Army of One! I have my bags packed and ready in my closet, guns oiled and fully loaded, and several caches of supplies and ammo in various secret locations. My goal is to survive and have fun doing it. I have behaved well long enough. When this shit goes down, I am grabbing my list and killing me some morons, and the guy who cut my off in traffic yesterday! Waving a white flag won’t save you from my wrath (please say with a British accent it sounds cooler) however waving chocolate might buy you an hour’s head start.

Team 2: It’s all about survival, people. I have chosen a group of survival and weapons experts. We will dominate and secure our ideal area. Once that has happened will begin to allow civilians inside the compound. People will need to prove their worth, and we are taking applications so leave your name and skill set in the comments, those deemed worthy will be contacted by our head of HR and light weapons expert, Peggy.

Team 3 My team has been more carefully chosen then the disciples of Christ. Survival is black and white, you do or you die. I have put together the best survival experts, weapons experts, and communications experts (together they speak 10 languages including sign, know Morse code, smoke signals, and light signaling). This well-trained group will insure the survival and continued protection of the group of experts who will insure our continued survival.

Photo by macswriter

Those skilled in traditional arts: blacksmiths, natural farmers, master carpenters, weavers, knitters, cobblers, tanners, canners, dyers, water and solar engineers, millers, butchers, bakers, and candle stick makers.

We also have a veterinarian, dentist, doctor, herbalist, and midwife. They all have experience working in third-world countries, with their spouses and children, who we have to bring along to insure our experts would come.
Everyone is training physically and mentally each week and gathering tools, supplies, and personal items for when the Event happens. While we aren’t taking applications at this time if you have a skill not mentioned about please put it in the comments and our surveillance team will do a thorough check on you before kidnapping you for the initial interview.

Team 4: I am going to wait out the crazy. I have enough food and supplies for four people to survive for ten years in the bunker under my house. I am taking applications for sex slaves, friends to hang out with. Ideal skills include: massage, cooking, gaming talent, and flexibility—both mental and physical. No druggies, must be able to pass physical health screening, must love Spam.

Team 5: I have always known I am Royalty, and now is my time to be one. I have carefully stored items that will be valuable and impossible to get within a year or two after the Event. Those on my team are my masseuse, chief, manicurist, and hairstylist. I have a place stocked and ready to go. Once this violence is settled, I will emerge in all my glory and ready to trade the items I have wisely stored. Just think how much food I can get for a package of condoms and some flavored lube. I am still in need of a security team, please comment below with your qualifications and willingness to wear a kilt.

Photo by Noodles and Beef

Team 6: I hate people,. I am fully stocked and ready to survive alone for ten or more years. My place is so isolated and remote that few will ever find me and those who do will be taken care of by my booby traps and pack of wolves. Don’t bother leaving comments, I need no one. I have solar cells hooked up and have downloaded from Amazon every book, movie, and show. The thought of being alone for years makes my heart flutter.

Team 7: I live in a third-world country. My life won’t change much, except there won’t be annoying tourists popping up.

So which team are you a part of? Or do you need to start one? Have I forgotten an option? If so please let me know how you plan to survive the Apocalypse.

What Would You Eat?

Photo by docguy

The apocalypse is coming, you have a week before it gets here. So, what would you eat?

I know you don’t have to get ready. I mean, come on, you’ve already packed your bug-out bag and carefully marked caches of food and supplies in route to the perfect place to hole up and survive the End Times haven’t you? The only real worry you should have is whether the Event kills the people already living there, or are you going to have to do the job? And if they die on the carpet, how will you get it clean if there is no electricity?

Please don’t die on the carpet!

Photo by Tatters:)

Anyway while planning and plotting you’ll need to eat. Will you eat healthy so you can be at your peak physical ability? Or will you desperately gorge on foods that you love with all your heart?

There are foods out there you might not see again for a long time, if ever. So what will you eat? Which restaurants will you go to? What foods will you savor as bitter tears of sadness roll down your cheeks?

Photo by ercskiff

On my list: ice cream, avocado enchiladas, pad Thai, mangoes, shrimp, and egg rolls until my eyes roll back into my head.

Shopping for the Zombie Apocalypse

Zombies are big right now. Dreaming of the apocalypse, a time of no cell phones and getting to kill the people who piss you off, but only if they’re zombies of course, *whistles innocently* is something many of us daydream of. But this is serious business.

I mean what if something happens? What if there is a virus/catastrophe/fall of all that we know? Are you ready?
I thought I was ready until my son bounded out of his room all excited and showed me this:

Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit by OpticsPlanet, for a mere $23,999 you can have the most comprehensive extermination and research kit I’ve ever found! It is sweet, and there a ton of super fun toys in it.

While checking out this kit out we found their selection of bug-out bags. These are pre-packed bags ranging in price and equipment for when you need to run. This bag stays packed. You grab it and go.

They have a video explaining the different bags and what is in them.

This made me a bit worried. I’m not at all prepared for anything like this. I don’t have a plan, I don’t have a meet-up place to tell others about, and I don’t have anything ready to go. Okay, so maybe I don’t need a $24,000 kit, but is it a good idea to have something like this just in case?

I mean a bug-out bag could also cover needing to run from law enforcement. I mean just in case I ever get caught 🙂 LOL

Do you have a plan? Twinkies packed and ready to go? A meeting place for the few people you hope survive? Enough ammo?

Zombie Apocalypse Training

For years I’ve been attempting to lose weight and get in shape. Last year I joined a gym with a friend who signed up for personal training then “forgot” to cancel it when we realized we couldn’t afford it.

So anyway our trainer is evil, as all trainers apparently have to be, and as one can tell by my years of trying and failing to get into shape I’m not good at sticking to things especially when they are uncomfortable or down-right painful.

So how am I getting through this? I think if it as zombie apocalypse training. Because you know escaping zombies is a bit more urgent then fitting into a smaller size of jeans. I think of squats as building leg muscles to run and kick with, push ups for climbing and carrying, and the evil abs exercises for building core strength for swinging axes, machetes, and cricket bats. It’s easier to force myself to do one more of the damn things when I think of protecting myself from hungry rotting zombies.

How do you get through things you don’t like to do? And yes once I am a vision of buff-ness I will be on your zombie killing team.