Tag Archives: body image

What Your Personal Trainer is Really Thinking About You

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Alica Mckenna Johnson, Kristen Lamb, 40 yard line

Poor personal trainers, this is what they have to deal with.
Photo by Kristen Lamb

A while back some website did a post on The 10 Things Your Personal Trainer is Thinking About You. I went expecting to find something funny, but no they were serious, BOO!

So as someone who has inflicted themselves on a personal trainer, these are the 10 things I think personal trainers are REALLY thinking about you.

1. Do you realize how see through that garment is? Personal trainers have to watch you exercise, frequently in odd contorted positions, while you’re sweating. Make sure your clothes don’t turn embarrassingly see through.

2. If you can still whine, you are not working hard enough. Really, your time with a personal trainer should feel like hell, so if you can still whine, then you can probably work harder.

3. No, I am not feeding off your pain. I once told my personal trainer that I thought he was a half-demon and fed off my pain. Thankfully, he was also a film maker and thought it was funny. (No stealing this idea—I plan to write a book at some point)

4. No, I’m not delusional. Personal trainers have training, they watch you carefully and pick exercises that push you but that you can do, even when you think you can’t.

5. Why do I have to listen to this? Some clients whine a lot. I was shocked when I found out I was on the low end of the whining scale. Don’t make these poor people listen to you bitch and whine, unless you are actually doing the exercises while you complain.

6. Do I really have to yell at you? This goes back to the whining. Apparently some people actually need, or maybe like, to be yelled at and forced/shamed into doing the exercises.

7. Dear god, the smell. Either you haven’t put on enough deodorant, shame on you, or you have overdone the crappy cheap body spray. Either way personal trainers have to stand near you. Try to not make it completely unpleasant.

8. Don’t lie to me, you go home and eat crap. Your personal trainer can tell if you are sticking to your diet or stopping by the store to stock up on ice cream and chips on the way home from the gym. Don’t insult their intelligence, tell the truth.

docguy, weight loss , ice cream

Photo by docguy

9. Drink water! At the end of every session with my personal trainer he would remind me to drink a lot of water the rest of the day. Now I love water so I listened, but obviously other people don’t. They don’t get paid by the word. If your personal trainer says it, it must be important.

10. Yes, I’m going to win this month. After a year of personal training I discovered a dark secret. Every week a weird, twisted, embarrassing exercise is posted on the personal trainer’s Facebook group and the goal is to see how many innocent clients they can get to do the exercise. My personal trainer denied this, but I think he was lying. Some of those exercises were just too weird.

So what do you think personal trainers are really thinking?

Women Who Make Me Purr

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So I post pics and videos of beautiful men sometimes, a lot, as often as I can get away with. And I thought it would be nice to post some videos of women who make me wish to be them, or fall at their feet in worship. 🙂

 

This is the first Shakira video I ever watched, and I was addicted instantly. When she is doing chest pops and looks down at herself, so sexy.

 

 

The control Rachel Brice has over her body fills me with awe, and I kinda want to lick her stomach 🙂

 

 

Suhaila Salimpour another amazing belly dancer. When I see her I feel inspired and lustful.

 

 

Of course I can’t mention Suhaila without showing you her ass, OMG, doing butt bumps right now.

 

 

When I imagine myself being all badass in the Zombie Apocalypse Michonne from The Walking Dead is who I see myself as. She is intelligent, fierce, and her arms are amazing.

 

 

So give me more intelligent, sexy, powerful women to covet. Who inspires you? Or gives you lustful thoughts 🙂

 


Two Things That Have Helped Me So Much!

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Photo by Lynn Kelly Author

Photo by Lynn Kelly Author


As a rule I bounce between being a gung ho, do everything perfectly, type-A person, and a lazy, whiny, couch potato. But I have finally found a solution! Now this might not work for everyone, but I wanted to share the two posts that for the past six weeks have kept me focused, goal oriented, and getting the things done that are important to me.

The first is this post by Kristen Lamb. She talks about ADD and writing, and there a bunch of funny and useful information, but the one that hit home for me is FEELINGS LIE. At some point I had mixed my instincts with my feelings, my whiny, lazy feelings that told me I didn’t have to write if I wasn’t in the mood, that if I was too tired to exercise it was okay, and of course if I was craving nachos then there must be something in them I need.

Alica Mckenna Johnson, Kristen Lamb, 40 yard line

Feelings lie, you might be tired but it’s not time to nap.
Photo by Kristen Lamb

Now I take a deep breath, remind myself that feelings lie and I focus on my long-term goals and not whatever emotional numbing food or behavior my emotions are trying to trick me into doing.

It doesn’t always work, there are days when I lie in bed reading and eating foods that aren’t going to help me get healthier, but I’m not eating things that I’m allergic to, which is a huge improvement to my binges.

The next blog that helped me is Ginger Calem’s Writers Butt Wednesday. She gives you small, simple things to do throughout the day. When I started this I wasn’t working out at all, and for me having a small exercise that I do all day was really helpful. Writers Butt encourages you to do 10 squats or 10 push-ups every time you go to the bathroom, and of course since she has you drinking a lot of water you go a lot!

Lyyn Kelly, Alica Mckenna Johnson, bathroom

See plenty of room for squats.
Photo by Lynn Kelly Author

Because taking care of myself and getting myself healthy was in my thoughts all day, it really helped me stay focused on my long term goals. For a few weeks it was just push-up and squats and the water, then I added small work-outs. Spark People has free work outs on their website. I also have two DVDs that have 10- or 15-minute exercises. A few weeks after that I added yoga, because I missed doing yoga. And now I and a friend have started going back to the gym.

You might roll your eyes at doing squats or push-up after going to the bathroom, but really the squats are very easy to manage in almost every bathroom, and I save the push-ups for when I am not working. To help inspire you I have taken a tally of how many squats and push-ups I did in one day.

Squats 60
Push-ups 20

Not too shabby obviously I need to even it out.

So what pieces of advice have inspired you? What words of wisdom or even offhand comment helped you see things clearly? What small steps to you do every day that helps you to stay focused on your long term goals?

Type A persona engaged—warp speed ahead!

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Alica Mckenna Johnson, pasta

Photo by Nebulux76

I was watching So You Think You Can Dance, which I love it is one of my favorite shows. So there I am watching these amazing beautiful power dancers, while eating a huge plate of spaghetti. Then they showed this interview with a young male dancer who’d been in a bad car accident, and his back had been broken.

I teared up listening to his parents talk about how scared they were. Listening to his story, watching him work out with the trainer to re-gain his strength and to be able to dance again I was inspired. That he could go through all of that and fight his way back to being able to dance, and dance beautifully, gave me chills.

As I sat there eating spaghetti, I thought about how hard he had he had worked and what he must have suffered through to be able to dance again, to re-claim his body again, and yet somehow I can’t lose ten pounds and keep it off?

I thought about this, about how if this is something I want, then I should fight for it. And that’s when I realized I wasn’t even sure what I was fighting for. I have been overweight for so long that I no longer remember what it is to feel good about how I look. I want to feel sexy, strong, healthy, and confident in my body. I have no idea what that is any more. And in truth the last time I felt that way, I was a teenager. The body I remember liking was two children, 20 plus years, and thousands of cartons of Ben and Jerry’s ago.

Will I even like my body after I lose weight?

I mean I’ll feel better, be healthier, stronger, and when the Doctor comes I’ll be able to run away from Daleks and such. All very important. But will I like it? Will I think I look pretty, sexy, or be happy at all?

I have no idea, and I think that sense of wondering, that not knowing, makes things harder. The dancer could remember what it felt like to spin, leap, and move across a stage. He had a very clear goal in mind. And I think that goal, that focus, helped him get through the hard times.

I don’t have that. When things get hard some I have some ambiguous idea, but no “I’ll be stronger, I’ll be healthier, I’ll fit into a smaller size,” just isn’t that inspiring. And in that moment, I usually give up—I eat something fatty, I sleep instead of working out, I stay up all night to read instead of getting the sleep I know I need.

How do you stay focused on a non-tangible goal? Do you find a goal you can’t quite picture or feel harder to stay committed to?

20 days of freaking out

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docguy, weight loss , ice cream

Photo by docguy

Sane is not a word most people would use to describe me, which is why twenty days before I am going on the annual work trip to San Diego I am trying desperately to lose weight. Yes, ye, I said annual trip. And yes, after seeing pictures of me last year on the beach, I wanted to throw-up and cry. I vowed to never go back to the beach looking like that. I VOWED! And then I ate ice cream.

So here I am twenty days before we leave and at least sixty pounds overweight. Can a person lose three pounds a day??

Seriously I’m counting calories, getting my butt into odd yoga position, and doing cardio until vomiting seems like a fun idea (well I’ve been doing it for two days now). Point being, why do I do this? Why didn’t I watch my calories intake over the past year? Seriously, I knew this was coming. Why didn’t I exercise more? I have tons of videos for those days when my gym buddy can’t go; there was no reason why my lazy ass couldn’t have done something, anything, other than partake of second breakfast and sit on my ass.

Do you do this to yourself? Are you a last minute panic person or do you take your time and get a bit done every day so it’s easy?

Juggling Explosives

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Photo by mbtphoto. Doesn't he make juggling look easy?

Photo by mbtphoto. Doesn’t he make juggling look easy?

Last night I had a minor melt down. I managed to hold off until the kids were in bed then the ugly thoughts and tears began. Now my overly emotional state might have been caused by the email saying I hadn’t placed in a writing competition I’d entered, the fact that I had gone almost a week without thyroid medication, or that I worked straight through the weekend and got the see my husband for only a few minutes each day (I’m rather high maintenance).
No matter the reason, I was in a bad place.

And while I was sorting my clothes- the nice ones to give away and the sweat pants which would fit once I abandoned my diet and stopped exercise, because why does the crazy night clerk at Circle K need to look good. I mean surely Circle K would hire a failed writer, mother, wife, human being right???

I had a thought. Yes, it hurt a lot a little bit, hush! I imagined myself as a juggler trying to keep all these balls in the air, work stuff, paperwork, work kids, personal kids, hubby, house, cooking, writing, sleep, social media, blogging, reading, working out, showering, crap that come along and fucks up my day. And there are all these balls and they are different size (based on importance) and some things like my family and work have more than one ball because, hello, there is a lot of shit to take care of.

Cold, heavy dread suffocated me as my eyes filled with tears. I shuffled to my computer and began filling out on line application to Circle K. I was never going to be able to do all of this, never. Needing a moment to figure out what my assets to the Circle K International team might be I scrounged up a hidden Snickers bar and while numbing my sorrow with chocolate and caramel, I began to imagine my life without writing.

I could still write a little bit, and of course pop in a social media and blogging enough to maintain what I had already created but I couldn’t keep trying to pretend I could do it all, when I was obviously failing at EVERYTHING!!!
So after moping about and finishing my Snickers bar, I decided to go to bed. I stumbled over the pile of clothes and as I brushed my teeth, not looking in the mirror because I didn’t need to see the evidence of five years of dieting failure at that particular moment, I had another less painful thought.

What if I gave each of the three main areas in my life one hour?

What if I gave one hour during my six ours off per day to my family? I could clean (we have a small apartment so I could get a lot done) I could prep food for dinner, or put together something, or put something in the crock pot. Sure my family isn’t home, but I can still support them and the space they live in by doing 1 hour a day. AND, because I am a multi-tasking fiend, I can listen to audio books while I’m doing so.

Okay this was sounding reasonable, which is not something I normally hear from the voices in my head so I paid close attention.

If I also gave 1 hour of focused time to work, one hour where I did something focused with the kids (preferably) or paperwork (an occasional necessity) I would feel better about how I’m doing my job. And I already read to them at bedtime, so 30min are already getting done, if I’m having a bad day and need to count it in.

This plan also gives me 1 hour to dedicate to writing every day. One hour where I will focus on my writing and nothing else.

Now I can still check Facebook and Twitter while the kids watch Sponge Bob, and I can read blogs while I eat lunch. Multi-tasking can still happen. But maybe, just maybe I will feel like less of a failure at life if I focus some time every day on the three areas I feel like I am always sucking at.

What do you think? How do you juggle your life?

Critiquing Your Life

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Should I really be left in charge of my life??

Should I really be left in charge of my life??


As an author you hear over and over You can’t critique your own work. And You can’t edit your own work. These are absolutely true, which is why I am thankful every day for my wondrous critique partners and editor.

The other day I was thinking (I know—scary) and I began to wonder if I am not a good judge of what is working and not working in my writing, can I be a good judge of what is working and not working in my life?

Should we ask people we trust to critique the way we live?

I can tell you everything I think is wrong with me and how I live, but would someone else feel the same way?
I know I judge myself much harsher than I judge my friends. But even still, I love my friends enough to want the best for them. If they were doing something which was making their life harder, hindering their happiness, or in conflict with their goals I would say so.

Maybe there needs to be a job of Professional Life Critique Expert. That person could look over your life, time, health, money, etc., and tell you where you need help, what you need to get rid of, what needs work, and of course what you are doing well.

Do you think you are a good judge of your own life?

Korean Teens, Blog Fun, and an Update

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Can’t get enough teen RomComs?

I know they get formulaic and trite after a while, which is why you should watch My Tutor Friend 2, a Korean teen RomCom. It is cute, with lots of Korean culture which makes the story unique, well, for non-Koreans at least. There are the misunderstands, pranks, teasing, confusion, deep emotional trauma, and the hot guys and girls that we need in all our teen RomComs, with the added bonus of learning more about life of college kids in Korea.

This was fun silly movie. I enjoyed it and would watch it again.

Sorry the only trailer I could fine is in Korean

Sorry between being sick and jury duty I didn’t have time to read blogs 😦 I will bring you extra special ones next week.

Pouters Block

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Photographer AndrewEick


Writers frequently complain about having writers block. We bemoan the loss of our muse and we sip scotch from hand cut crystal glasses. We leaf through travel brochures trying to decide which tropical island our muse has flown to and whether our muse would run from coconut scent sun screen or should we buy the unscented?

We wallow in creative angst desperate to reconnect to the creative flow of the universe, that magical life-affirming energy which is our crack. With a soul-weary sigh, we fondle the keys on our laptop and try to stifle the tears of loss as our inspired genius remains silent and elusive.

And that, boys and girls, is what writer’s block looks like to a writer. And it is very difficult, and a total crock, but still challenging for a writer to work through.

I, however, do not suffer from existential, soul draining writers block. I suffer from pouter’s block: yes it’s a real thing!

You see I have difficulty blending reality and fantasy. Shocking, I know. I did my research and I fully understood that as a new indie author the average number of books I was going to sell would be around 80. I knew in the small logical portion of my brain that I would need to have several books for sale, and continue to build my brand/platform/presence. I was aware this would take time and work.

However, in the interest of “knowing my goals,” “creative visualization,” and The Secret, I was already thinking about what I would wear on my interview with Oprah, plotting the terms I would need to have in my movie contract, and worrying if I could be clever enough to be on Rove. He’s so sharp!

My husband in his wisdom said, “Don’t worry; once you have about twenty books for sale, then you’ll be bringing in a good income.”

20!!!! Does he know how much time a book takes to write, edit, and publish? OMG! That’s forever! I’ll be dead before I reach 20 books!

And so, even though I know I would continue to do what I love even if I didn’t get paid, because writing is my passion, my art, and the only way to quiet the voices in my head, the hope/dream/expectation of more makes me long for what I don’t have instead of enjoying where I’m at.


So for now, I will tuck away my Oprah outfit and enjoy this time to do some more crunches, I’ve heard the camera adds 10 lbs! I will refine my “deal breakers for a movie contract, and I will watch more Rove and read lots of witty stuff so I can be a fabulous guest and will be asked back.

How do you balance your hopes and dreams with reality? Are you able to see this as a step towards your goals or are you curled in a ball eating Ho-Ho’s and Cheetos?

Spare Brides, Awesomeness, and Updates

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The Decoy Bride stars David Tennant, Kelly Macdonald, and Alice Eve. A super sweet romantic comedy from BBC, as if anything with David Tennant would be bad.

Anyway, in a desperate and pathetic attempt to avoid the paparazzi, David Tennant gets a decoy bride and runs over to a tiny island where the biggest tourist attraction is a public toilet haunted by a cow. I laughed as they avoided photographers, crazy locals, and wildlife.

It is so sweet, I cried several times, and if the old couple dancing doesn’t touch your heart, then you might be a Cyber Man.

I got a lot done, but again no writing this week- well I wrote some blogs and a bit on my ghost romance, but I’m not back in the swing of things. I did go to the gym 4 times- 2 of them personal training torture sessions and I did yoga with the kids 5 times this past week. I need to find space and time for my writing- this is a huge priority!

Blogs of awesomeness!

Growing up if we want to reach our dreams we need to be mature, Kristen Lamb shows us that it’s not so painful.

Do we need the Happily Ever After? Kait Nolan explores the genius of Joss Whedon.

Push yourself, don’t give up, and accept the challenge. Words of advice from belly dancer Kamrah.

For Sherlock fans- this is hysterical and we need to find the farm!!!