Tag Archives: Monday Musings

He Picked The Wrong Girl, Thor + Darcy=Forever!

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Photo by  Sam Howzit

Photo by Sam Howzit


I spent the entire movie watching the chemistry between Darcy and Thor. There she was her curvaceous sexy self being funny and snarky and he was totally entranced.

Yeah, sure Jane was there, but she was boring. She and Thor had no chemistry, and she just doesn’t look like the wife for a Viking god.

No. Thor needs a full-figured woman to satisfy his muscular god body. An intelligent woman to protect him from Loki’s tricks. A woman who won’t put up with his shit and let him act like a spoiled prince of Asgard. He needs Darcy.

Honestly I was so shipping Darcy and Thor that when he kissed Jane I was all “WTF? Rod, what is this shit why is he cheating on Darcy?”

Photo by  Ed Van-West Garcia

Photo by Ed Van-West Garcia


Seriously I didn’t see it coming.

Rod just shook his head. “I’m sorry but she’s the lead actress.”

“No, Darcy is so much better for him.”

“I agree.” Hubby is a wise man.

It took me forever before I was willing to watch Thor 2 because I still wanted Thor and Darcy to get together.
Thank goodness for fan fiction so I can get my Darcy/Thor fix.

What couples have had you wondering what happened ? Which ones have had you just shaking your head and wondering what the writer was thinking?

International dance moves

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So I found this

Which is awesome and I shall diligently practice in case I ever get to travel to Canada. Then I wondered if there were more.

I found Korean, ’cause Kpop is king.

I like tutorial on how to dance in club because she takes into account that my awesomeness could be intimidating.

Now imagine for a second that someone is willing to dance with me … it could happen! I shall have to memorize these righteous moves.

And of course I want to help the guys, but honestly I leaned a lot of club culture/body language from this video. Apparently I should be ‘testing guys’ as they approach me at the club. You know, if I was ever approached, or could stay up late enough to go to a club.

Do you have any sure-fire dance moves we all should learn??

She’s smooth as Chunky Peanut Butter

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My daughter is smooth.

My daughter is smooth.

So last night I am sitting on my couch talking to my DD when she puts her hand over my eyes. “Shush” she says as I hear the rustling of the money on the table.

She removes her hand and had stuffed the bills in her bra. Grinning she says, “I’m smooth as chunky peanut butter. Oops missed one.”

She grabs the last dollar and stands up grinning at me whispers, “Smooth.”

She walks to the door, goes all ‘Aunt Brandy’ (flips me off playfully—it’s a thing at my house) then runs off cackling.

Why do I keep these people around?

Irrational Fears, Dating

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Since I am a writer, my brain is a special place. And I frequently have random weird thoughts pop into my head which turn into random weird scenarios and then into random weird fears.

One such weird fear is, what if I had to date again???

I am currently married and if I haven’t scared him off by now,—it’s been sixteen years (Holy shit really?)—then he’s probably not going anywhere. Kind of like life in prison, sure there are bars, but now you’re used to it, and it’s home.

Anyway I saw one of those online matching people services and wondered who would pick me if I put up a profile. Which got me to wonder about dating. Which quickly turned into fear as my entire dating experience is from high school.

I won’t talk about it, but I almost died of embarrassment just thinking about how I acted back then. In theory I would behave differently now, but what if I didn’t? What if I reverted back to sixteen every time I met a guy I liked? What if I used the same classy, sexy, seductive moves to let them know I wanted to be kissed?

TMI, but I just threw up a little in my mouth at the thought.

I am sure there are books, counselors, aversion therapists that could help me out IF hubby ever broke free of the chains. I DO keep them padded for his comfort. And seriously we have two kids, shouldn’t I be more worried about them, or money, or something real then if I’ll act like a clueless sixteen year old if I go on a date?

But such is the brain of writers. We create worlds, people, monsters, and fantasy. Unfortunately our own life is often at risk of such nefarious godlike plotting.

What are your irrational fears? Come on you have to have something better than spiders.

So, Who Are You Supposed To Have Sex With?

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I was part of a discussion on Facebook the other day about whether as a parent, you would buy contraceptives for your teens. I had to leave because some one said “No, because I believe in no sex before marriage, at least for girls—boys are another thing.”

UM WTF??? Not the no sex before marriage—while it is not part of my belief system, I understand that it is important to a lot of people—but why it is only important for girls. If sex is a sacred/spiritual act and purity of body is important to start a marriage, why are only women expected to show that level of commitment to their future husbands and marriages?

“Because girls can get pregnant.”

I’ve heard this answer before and I call bullshit. Yes, girls can get pregnant. If they try hard, they can get pregnant, have a baby, and get pregnant again in one year.

A boy on the other hand could get more than 300 women pregnant in one year. Yes it would be unlikely, but he could, which makes the consequences of boys having sex outside of marriage, especially unprotected sex, greater than the consequences of girls having sex before marriage.

So, if girls are supposed to remain chaste, who are these boys fucking? No, really. The girls who are good enough to become their wives and mothers of their children have to say no to sex, even though girls have the same desire for sex that boys do. So who does that leave?

Girl they don’t respect. These boy can have sex with the ‘bad girls’, the ‘sluts’, the ‘easy girls’. And is that really okay with you? If your religion/culture/spirituality says that sex is sacred, are you really okay with your boys having sex with women they don’t respect/love/treat well? Because these are the girls they don’t bring home. Don’t admit to dating. And won’t talk to in public. And to me this is sickening.

Married women. Should these teen boys who are being given permission to act like the easy, dirty, sluts we shun in girls, should they be having sex with married women instead of the teens girls who are supposed to be saying no? At least those women ‘saved themselves’ for their husbands, so the important bit is out of the way. It should be fine if they take younger lovers right?

Widowed/single women. Maybe these teen boys should be finding elderly widowed or single women to sow their wild oats with. These women can’t get pregnant, won’t have their hearts broken, and are lonely. Maybe this is the solution to this pathetically double-standard problem.

No wait, I’ve got it.

These boys should be having sex with EACH OTHER! It’s the perfect solution. The teen girls can stay pure and chaste, the married women won’t commit adultery, and the widows/singles, well they kind of lose out, but, hey, it was a squicky solution. The boys can’t get each other pregnant and they won’t be ‘ruining’ anyone for their wedding day because it’s okay if boys come into the marriage bed as dirty sluts. A win-win solution for everyone.

Huuummm I have the feeling not everyone likes that choice, so I have one final offer:

Professionals. Teen boys could get jobs so they have enough money to have sex with professional sex workers. This way, once again the teen girls can remain virgins, and the teen boys can live out the double standard to the fullest without it negatively effecting anyone else.

Have I missed any options? Who do you think these boys should be having sex with if the girls their age must remain virgins?

Ten to Twenty Years

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Alica Mckenna Johnson

Photo from Tar Sands Blockade


No I have not FINALLY been caught and sentenced to prison. Rude!

I have recently turned forty and been a bit introspective, thinking about the rest of my life.

And now I’m worried that I might only have ten to twenty years left, if I take after my parents. My mom died sixteen days before her fiftieth birthday and my dad died just before Christmas at sixty- one.

After a moment of panic and realizing exactly how little time that is, I kind of calmed down and thought about what I would really like to do if I really only have that little time left.

I only have three big things on my bucket list, having my books published and sell well (yes I have an image of what that looks like specifically), traveling, and spending time with my family.

Alica Mckenna-Johnson, tropical beach, vacation dreams

From wikicommons I want to be here with my family someday.


Of course I am hoping I have a lot longer than ten to twenty years, but I feel more determined to live and fight for what I want now that this ‘time limit’ is looming over me.

What about you, do you have a bucket list? Have you done any of things on your list already?

Is Man Whore the New Prince Charming?

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Alica Mckenna Johnson

Art by Nemo from Pixabay


I have noticed a new trend that I’m not sure I like, the ‘hero’ of the story being a man whore. Now before we go further I’ll explain that to me the difference between someone sexually active, aggressive, and casual and a ‘man whore or slut’ is respect. Respect for themselves and respect for their partners.

So a while back I was reading the beginnings of several books, which I didn’t bother to finish, and each of them the hero was slutty. I don’t care about abs, tats, and broad shoulders when I’m worried about STIs, seriously yuck! And the heroine is either a virgin or has only had sex with one other person and that was a long-term relationship. This isn’t horrid, but I also noticed these similarities:

1. The hero does whatever he does with a girl draped all over him and groping him. Usually as this is described, the focus is on the girl, and the hero almost disappears from the text. “She sucked on his ear and ground herself into him.” Notice that he doesn’t move or respond at all? Weird.

2. The heroine refers to the busty blond (jealous much fellow authors) wrapped around the hero as a slut, whore, cheap, easy, skank. Ummm, now I don’t like your heroine. I feel bad for people with such low self-esteem that they treat themselves with such little respect, but calling them a dirty skank, just no.

3. There is a TON of drinking, like eight shots in a night. This might be personal to me, but I can’t relate or connect to this kind of behavior.

Alica Mckenna-Johnson, shots

Photo by Darinka Maji on Flicker


4. The goody-goody heroine is ‘forced’ by her wild best friend into drinking, wearing a tight sexy outfit she feels uncomfortable in but that the ‘skank’ from earlier would have worn, and going into the bar in the first place.

5. The hero is willing to give up his bacchanalian life for her, to be with her, because no other woman has made him feel like this. Really? You’ve shagged hundreds of ‘bar bunnies,’ and this one woman will change all of that with the touch of her hand?

6. CONDOMS!!! Hello, not only should you be mentioning and having your characters use condoms BUT I’m not touching someone like that until he’s had a Silkwood shower and been tested by a doctor!

Alica Mckenna-Johnson, condoms

Photo by lookcatalog

Now so we are clear, I’m not a prude, I’ve had my fun and wild days. But slamming other woman because you’re jealous and want to be draped all over the guy they’re wrapped around, total lack of respect for self and partners, not talking about safe sex, and the heroine being ‘forced’ into things by her best friend, just makes me want to hurl. I can’t connect with the characters, I don’t like them, I don’t find them interesting, and I wouldn’t want to be them.

So what do you think? Have you run into the man whore as the prince charming yet? Is it just me? I mean, I can’t like all tropes, but do you love the man whore in place of prince charming?

Feral Kitten Wi-Fi

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feral kitten, Alica Mckenna-Johnson CocteauBoy, Kitten

Photo by CocteauBoy

Sometimes my Wi-Fi acts like a feral kitten. You know the mangy, flea-bitten, hissing little thing hiding under your porch, and it’s just so  SAAADD and CUUUTE, and we must save the nasty little thing.

So there you are on your hands an knees, making that stupid tongue-clicky noise that all humans make at animals. It reminds me of the old Westerns where the white guy would hold up his hand and say “How” to the noble savage. This empowering sound would stave off their attack. So this is what we are doing, making the universal human-to-animal tongue-clicky noise, and we think we are letting them know everything is fine and that we are its friend.

But the kitten, arches her mangy kitten eyebrow at me, with a look of disdain. The question  “Are you a total idiot?” psychically  floats through the air. The same thing I think as I see the white cowboy halt the attack of a group of white men painted to look like Native American people in the old westerns.

Alica Mckenna-Johnson, Old West. Old Western Movies

Photo by inkknife_2000

But of course I have no  other skills, so I’m on my hands and knees clicking and cooing, and trying to get this kitten out from under the porch. I promise love, and affection, and nummy things to eat. And the kitten comes a little closer, then puffs up (which is just so darn cute) and scoots back. And we do this for a while. Finally I decide to appeal to its baser nature, and I get some damn food. I leave small pieces of cheese on the ground (I’m a vegetarian, it’s all I have a kitten would like. Stop judging me!) and slowly coax the kitten out. And this is when I learn the kitten will do anything for food; basically it’s a prostitute. I have lured a mangy, flea-bitten feral prostitute kitten out from under the porch.

Go Me!

And this is exactly how my Wi-Fi is. I have to sit in just the right position and for a few moments I can get Wi-Fi, if I don’t sneeze.

But like my little whore kitten, if I try to load Amazon or any other site that has money, it loads just fine. I could sit in a steel-lined bomb shelter a mile away, and I bet Amazon would load!

Does this make my computer a pimp?

Alica Mckenna-Jonson, Pimp, pimp costume

Photo by Sparr0

When Showering makes Your To Do List.

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Alica Mckenna Johnson, showering, busy moms, to-do lists

Photo by CarlosPacheco

Mom*/author hybrids are the only combo group of people I know who feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when we manage to take a shower. We’ll even post it on Facebook.

*Note I haven’t added dads because they don’t post their showers on Facebook. I suspect they either don’t care or hose off in the garden when they’re ‘bathing’ the children.

I just showered, put on clean yoga pants, and remembered my deodorant! Woo-hoo. Now it’s time for bed.

I think it is important to note that showering is just body only. Washing hair is another mark on the to do list, and shaving gets its own special ticky box, and announcement.

I won’t say how long it has been, because you might call the health department, but today I showered, washed my hair, and shaved! I know it’s two in the morning but I’m thinking of waking hubby up so he can appreciate my looking like a regular human being.

Do you add showering to your to do list? If you have a different job/life and find showering a luxury that doesn’t happen every day, or week, let me know. We need to stick together.

Brainwashing, it’s not just for cults anymore

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docguy, weight loss , ice cream

Photo by docguy

I am always my own worst enemy. The thoughts that run rampant in my head can take a turn for the worst, and when this happens my life crashes. Of course, I have big batches of time where I am sane-ish, when I get things done, take care of myself, and feel good. But when things tip, when I lose my balance, these thought come rushing in, and suddenly not writing and sleeping all day sounds great. Instead of eating an apple, I eat ice cream, and getting enough sleep? yeah, that’s one big joke.

So how does one stop crazy thoughts?

I could read books. There are plenty of spiritual/ self-help books that focus on being in the here and now, that offer meditations to let those negative thoughts go. But really I don’t have the time, and I would only do it when I’m doing well.

So I have opted for an easier way, a more passive way, and I’m doing it right now. Subliminal messages. Oh, yes. I am employing the ancient art of brainwashing on myself. I am using a series of tapes, some that are subliminal, some guided imagery, some sleep programming.

If I can’t find will power within myself, then I shall brainwash myself into it!

Right now I am doing tapes that focus on health, healthy eating, and weight loss. But they also have ones on creativity, getting more done, overcoming fears, and tons of other topics.

I have had enough of my brain getting in the way of self-discipline, leaving me the moment things get tough. Maybe these won’t work. Maybe they will. The other day I was planning on eating nachos for lunch. I started to grab the stuff and suddenly did not want them anymore. I had fruit instead and an hour later when I was actually hungry, I made a sandwich.

apocalypse, mango, magoes,

Photo by Tatters:)

I figure as long as the messages aren’t turning me into part of some mad woman’s secret assassin army, it’s all good.

Do you have self-discipline? Are you able to keep the negative self-talk to a minimum, or do you also try to drown the voices in egg rolls and cheese cake?