Okay, everyone, I need some help picking a bio. Feel free to tweak them as I am open to all help.
“Wait,” you cry, “there is no mention of shirtless men in kilts chained to your bed! Alica has been replaced by a pod person! Get your flamethrowers and let’s go save her!”
STOP. While I am thankful for your concern and willingness to burn aliens for me, the first series of books I am putting out is YA.
Yes, I can write ‘clean-ish’ enough for YA. Yes, I’m serious. Yes, in book three there is a guy in a kilt.
I choose to write a YA series because I spend so much of my time writing that I wanted something my kids could also read. Of course I decided this five years ago foolishly thinking I would have my book ready in a year. Wow, was I ever that naive?
Anyway, I still need your help to pick a fun bio that won’t scare YA readers too badly.
Bio 1
Alica spent the first thirty years of her life walking around with stories constantly running through her head. She never thought of herself as a writer due to her poor spelling and grammar. When the story would stop she wrote it down. Then one day—like a savior in a shining breastplate—a woman with vision, excellent taste, and mad editing skills swooped into Alica’s life and slayed her mistakes, allowing all to read the fantastic stories running through her mind.
In the mundane world Alica is houseparent to an ever-changing collection kids, ranging from 2-12 depending on the time of day. Wife of one amazing husband who helps plot, works out fight scenes, cooks, and always has a stash of chocolate ready. She also startles easily because no matter what she’s doing Alica is always plotting her next great novel.
Bio 2
Being told she was a horrible speller and would never learn to use a comma correctly, Alica never thought to write down the stories she constantly had running through her head. Doesn’t everyone daydream about flying on a spaceship while walking to school?
Not until she was thirty did Alica dare to write down any of the people living exciting lives in her head. The relief was instantaneous. By giving them life on the page they could be released from her mind and given greater adventures.
As her books grew in size and the voices in her head learned to wait their turn, Alica found a loyal group to journey with. Women who would help her slay her commas, and use their magical gifts to traverse plot holes, transform words into their proper spelling, and release characters from any Mary Sue spells they might be under.
In-between magical adventures, Alica is mom to two personal kids, five foster kids, has one exceptional hubby, a bunny she knows is plotting her death, and some fish, aka her daughter’s minions.
Alica McKenna Johnson 
Bio 2 is more YA friendly, but the editor in me insists that you insert the missing “to” before “two” in the last paragraph.
Perfect thank you and I fixed it 🙂 This is why I always get help.
The second one, DEFINITELY! The first one struck me as kinda awkward. The second one was all awesome.
YAY thank you!
like the second one best. 🙂
It seems to be a clear favorite.
I like the second one better. I didn’t know you had foster kids… How did you get into that? We have 5 kids but are thinking of adopting. Fostering seems so heartbreaking–it takes a special person.
Thank you. Actually I’m a house parent manager at a group home- but that’s a mouthful, and since it is a family style group home and I take one weekend off a month it’s like professional foster care, with staff to help. I was homeschooling my kids and needed money, and there was an add in the paper for weekend relief staff so I could work while hubby was home and eight years later I’m still here.
It can be heart breaking, I’m a lot more cynical now then when I started. Are you wanting to adopt babies or older kids? Just remember these are not “just children” they are broken damaged children who need a lot of care, routine, and attention. My suggestion is make sure yours are older, at least over ten, then adopt younger. Also insist on a long ‘courtship’ for lack of a better word. They love to get these kids into homes as quickly as possible. You need to see these kids have a fit and lose their temper first. You need to see exactly what you’re getting into.
I know this sounds bad, but when I first started doing this my kids had a rough time, they live in an apartment next to my group-home, and they would see me getting cussed out, lied to, kids running away, being physically attacked. So that is why I suggest proceeding with caution. Adoption can be amazing, but it can also be really difficult. If you want I’m happy to talk to you about this more 🙂
Thanks for that! I may want to ask a few (a bunch) more questions. 🙂 Three of our kids are out of the house and the two youngest are 13 and 16. I agree that we could only really do a little younger.
I really admire your honesty. We have friends who used to foster and the wife got attacked a few times. I’m not sure what I’d do in that situation. We were thinking of (maybe) a siblings group because at least they would have each other–but that comes with a host of problems, I’m sure. Have you ever wanted to take one of the kids home–I mean have you ever really connected to one of them? Or is it more set up so it just feels like a job.
Yes, there have been several kids I have wanted to keep forever, kids who I cried over once they left, and a few I cried about even though I couldn’t help them and they needed to go to a higher level group home. And then their were ones that got happy dance when they left.
They should disclose everything about the child/children to you and your husband. Siblings groups can great, they can also be a lot harder to help learn new habits because they see each other and get right back into the same old patterns. They can be horrid teenagers, ADD meds don’t work with hormones, their issues come up in weird ways, many kids have been ‘given back’ at this time. NOW, those parents sucked big time, but be prepared for turbulent years. Of course you live on a farm so they can go walk around for a while and chillax without too much worry 🙂
There are kids in the system who aren’t as broken, who were loved on by someone in their early years, whose basic disposition gives them the strength to be okay through it all, they are rare little gems 🙂
Agreed. I like number 2.
For the record, you forgot to mention your biological kids in number 1.
LOL- those brats who wants to hear about them?? Thanks Kim
I like number 2 best! Also, I agree with charismaloy: yes, please put in that “to.” Humorously, I read it so fast that I missed the spelling all together and read “is mom to personal kids,” so my editing comment was going to be to ask you to include the number of person children! I need to edit my eyeballs, haha!
That stray to! Thanks, number 2 seems the clear winner.
#2! Well-done. 🙂
Thank you!!
I like number 2, also! 🙂
Thanks!
Yep, #2. I’m a bit late to the game, but I like how you lead with the problems you had that would make someone think you couldn’t be a writer.
Thanks!!!