Tag Archives: safe sex

How would you stay safe?

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Another new adult book, and another fiery rage burning in my body by chapter two. I’m beginning to hate this genre as a whole, so if anyone knows of a good new adult book, please let me know. BTW, a good one won’t have a heroine who is TSTL (To Stupid To Live) and who is forced into situation by her ‘best friend.’ Also it won’t have a womanizing jerk for a hero. This one looked at a crowd of drinking girls and thought of them as ‘easy pickings.’ Now once he gets our heroine in his arms, he wants to protect her and soothe her fears instead of coerce her into bed, but it’s too late—I hate him.

I’m also wondering if I’m just being a horrid judgmental bitch. Having been raised by a strong feminist mother, one who volunteered for a rape crisis center, I grew up with ‘rules’ of how to stay safe on dates and at parties. My mom taught me these rules and I will teach them to my daughter in the hopes of keeping her as safe as possible.
A PERSON IS NEVER ASKING TO BE RAPED OR ASSULTED AND IT IS NEVER THEIR FAULT, NEVER! RULES OR NO RULES.

My ‘rules’
1) Always have one person who is watching out for the others. You can take turns, or in my case it’s always me, because I never drink much. This person makes sure no one drives drunk or goes home with a stranger.

2) Never—ever—take a drink from someone you don’t trust. Watch the bartender pour it if you can, or get drinks in unopened bottles.

3) Never leave your drink unattended. If you walk away from your drink ,you get a new one.

4) Always have ‘mad money’ set aside to get a taxi if you need to. A lot of cabs will do credit cards now, but it’s always good to have $20 stashed just in case.

5) Never go somewhere to be alone with someone you don’t know/trust. Find a corner table, sit outside where others are nearby, but where you can still have a conversation. You do not go to their car, an empty room, or anywhere else they can isolate you.

Obviously if you want to have sex with someone, this last rule does not apply, but then you are making a choice—which is how it should be. People should choose to have sex.

So I put the question to you, what advice, rules, and strategies do you use or tell your children or friends to do in order to keep safe while going to clubs, bars, or parties where there is a lot of drinking?

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So, Who Are You Supposed To Have Sex With?

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I was part of a discussion on Facebook the other day about whether as a parent, you would buy contraceptives for your teens. I had to leave because some one said “No, because I believe in no sex before marriage, at least for girls—boys are another thing.”

UM WTF??? Not the no sex before marriage—while it is not part of my belief system, I understand that it is important to a lot of people—but why it is only important for girls. If sex is a sacred/spiritual act and purity of body is important to start a marriage, why are only women expected to show that level of commitment to their future husbands and marriages?

“Because girls can get pregnant.”

I’ve heard this answer before and I call bullshit. Yes, girls can get pregnant. If they try hard, they can get pregnant, have a baby, and get pregnant again in one year.

A boy on the other hand could get more than 300 women pregnant in one year. Yes it would be unlikely, but he could, which makes the consequences of boys having sex outside of marriage, especially unprotected sex, greater than the consequences of girls having sex before marriage.

So, if girls are supposed to remain chaste, who are these boys fucking? No, really. The girls who are good enough to become their wives and mothers of their children have to say no to sex, even though girls have the same desire for sex that boys do. So who does that leave?

Girl they don’t respect. These boy can have sex with the ‘bad girls’, the ‘sluts’, the ‘easy girls’. And is that really okay with you? If your religion/culture/spirituality says that sex is sacred, are you really okay with your boys having sex with women they don’t respect/love/treat well? Because these are the girls they don’t bring home. Don’t admit to dating. And won’t talk to in public. And to me this is sickening.

Married women. Should these teen boys who are being given permission to act like the easy, dirty, sluts we shun in girls, should they be having sex with married women instead of the teens girls who are supposed to be saying no? At least those women ‘saved themselves’ for their husbands, so the important bit is out of the way. It should be fine if they take younger lovers right?

Widowed/single women. Maybe these teen boys should be finding elderly widowed or single women to sow their wild oats with. These women can’t get pregnant, won’t have their hearts broken, and are lonely. Maybe this is the solution to this pathetically double-standard problem.

No wait, I’ve got it.

These boys should be having sex with EACH OTHER! It’s the perfect solution. The teen girls can stay pure and chaste, the married women won’t commit adultery, and the widows/singles, well they kind of lose out, but, hey, it was a squicky solution. The boys can’t get each other pregnant and they won’t be ‘ruining’ anyone for their wedding day because it’s okay if boys come into the marriage bed as dirty sluts. A win-win solution for everyone.

Huuummm I have the feeling not everyone likes that choice, so I have one final offer:

Professionals. Teen boys could get jobs so they have enough money to have sex with professional sex workers. This way, once again the teen girls can remain virgins, and the teen boys can live out the double standard to the fullest without it negatively effecting anyone else.

Have I missed any options? Who do you think these boys should be having sex with if the girls their age must remain virgins?

Is Man Whore the New Prince Charming?

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Alica Mckenna Johnson

Art by Nemo from Pixabay


I have noticed a new trend that I’m not sure I like, the ‘hero’ of the story being a man whore. Now before we go further I’ll explain that to me the difference between someone sexually active, aggressive, and casual and a ‘man whore or slut’ is respect. Respect for themselves and respect for their partners.

So a while back I was reading the beginnings of several books, which I didn’t bother to finish, and each of them the hero was slutty. I don’t care about abs, tats, and broad shoulders when I’m worried about STIs, seriously yuck! And the heroine is either a virgin or has only had sex with one other person and that was a long-term relationship. This isn’t horrid, but I also noticed these similarities:

1. The hero does whatever he does with a girl draped all over him and groping him. Usually as this is described, the focus is on the girl, and the hero almost disappears from the text. “She sucked on his ear and ground herself into him.” Notice that he doesn’t move or respond at all? Weird.

2. The heroine refers to the busty blond (jealous much fellow authors) wrapped around the hero as a slut, whore, cheap, easy, skank. Ummm, now I don’t like your heroine. I feel bad for people with such low self-esteem that they treat themselves with such little respect, but calling them a dirty skank, just no.

3. There is a TON of drinking, like eight shots in a night. This might be personal to me, but I can’t relate or connect to this kind of behavior.

Alica Mckenna-Johnson, shots

Photo by Darinka Maji on Flicker


4. The goody-goody heroine is ‘forced’ by her wild best friend into drinking, wearing a tight sexy outfit she feels uncomfortable in but that the ‘skank’ from earlier would have worn, and going into the bar in the first place.

5. The hero is willing to give up his bacchanalian life for her, to be with her, because no other woman has made him feel like this. Really? You’ve shagged hundreds of ‘bar bunnies,’ and this one woman will change all of that with the touch of her hand?

6. CONDOMS!!! Hello, not only should you be mentioning and having your characters use condoms BUT I’m not touching someone like that until he’s had a Silkwood shower and been tested by a doctor!

Alica Mckenna-Johnson, condoms

Photo by lookcatalog

Now so we are clear, I’m not a prude, I’ve had my fun and wild days. But slamming other woman because you’re jealous and want to be draped all over the guy they’re wrapped around, total lack of respect for self and partners, not talking about safe sex, and the heroine being ‘forced’ into things by her best friend, just makes me want to hurl. I can’t connect with the characters, I don’t like them, I don’t find them interesting, and I wouldn’t want to be them.

So what do you think? Have you run into the man whore as the prince charming yet? Is it just me? I mean, I can’t like all tropes, but do you love the man whore in place of prince charming?