Tag Archives: raising a teenage girl

So, Who Are You Supposed To Have Sex With?

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I was part of a discussion on Facebook the other day about whether as a parent, you would buy contraceptives for your teens. I had to leave because some one said “No, because I believe in no sex before marriage, at least for girls—boys are another thing.”

UM WTF??? Not the no sex before marriage—while it is not part of my belief system, I understand that it is important to a lot of people—but why it is only important for girls. If sex is a sacred/spiritual act and purity of body is important to start a marriage, why are only women expected to show that level of commitment to their future husbands and marriages?

“Because girls can get pregnant.”

I’ve heard this answer before and I call bullshit. Yes, girls can get pregnant. If they try hard, they can get pregnant, have a baby, and get pregnant again in one year.

A boy on the other hand could get more than 300 women pregnant in one year. Yes it would be unlikely, but he could, which makes the consequences of boys having sex outside of marriage, especially unprotected sex, greater than the consequences of girls having sex before marriage.

So, if girls are supposed to remain chaste, who are these boys fucking? No, really. The girls who are good enough to become their wives and mothers of their children have to say no to sex, even though girls have the same desire for sex that boys do. So who does that leave?

Girl they don’t respect. These boy can have sex with the ‘bad girls’, the ‘sluts’, the ‘easy girls’. And is that really okay with you? If your religion/culture/spirituality says that sex is sacred, are you really okay with your boys having sex with women they don’t respect/love/treat well? Because these are the girls they don’t bring home. Don’t admit to dating. And won’t talk to in public. And to me this is sickening.

Married women. Should these teen boys who are being given permission to act like the easy, dirty, sluts we shun in girls, should they be having sex with married women instead of the teens girls who are supposed to be saying no? At least those women ‘saved themselves’ for their husbands, so the important bit is out of the way. It should be fine if they take younger lovers right?

Widowed/single women. Maybe these teen boys should be finding elderly widowed or single women to sow their wild oats with. These women can’t get pregnant, won’t have their hearts broken, and are lonely. Maybe this is the solution to this pathetically double-standard problem.

No wait, I’ve got it.

These boys should be having sex with EACH OTHER! It’s the perfect solution. The teen girls can stay pure and chaste, the married women won’t commit adultery, and the widows/singles, well they kind of lose out, but, hey, it was a squicky solution. The boys can’t get each other pregnant and they won’t be ‘ruining’ anyone for their wedding day because it’s okay if boys come into the marriage bed as dirty sluts. A win-win solution for everyone.

Huuummm I have the feeling not everyone likes that choice, so I have one final offer:

Professionals. Teen boys could get jobs so they have enough money to have sex with professional sex workers. This way, once again the teen girls can remain virgins, and the teen boys can live out the double standard to the fullest without it negatively effecting anyone else.

Have I missed any options? Who do you think these boys should be having sex with if the girls their age must remain virgins?

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Bus Ninja

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Tala

Tala

So my thirteen-year-old daughter was on the bus this morning. It was crowded, so she was standing and some man touched her butt. Not an accidental brush, but he put his adult hand on her body and groped her.

Tala, the shy delicate flower she is, turns to him and says, “Get your hand off my ass.”

Large adult male douchebag, “Why should I?”

Tala turns grabs his hand and twists his arm into an arm lock. “I said get your hand off my ASS.” Douchebag  groans as she tightens the pressure when she says “ass.”

She lets go of him and moves to the back of the bus.

Before we rave about how brave and badass she is I would like to note that no one said anything to him or her. On a bus full of women and men (who I assume aren’t douchebags) they let my thirteen-year-old daughter defend herself without support, without speaking up, nothing.  Evil mom glare to all of you!

Anyway back to Tala’s story. At school she tells her teachers, two of which praise her badassery, a third who freaks out because she was sexually molested on the bus.  Both appropriate reactions IMHO.

After telling her dad. Hubby asks, “Why didn’t you break his arm?”

Tala, “I didn’t want to hear the sound.”

My reaction: pride and insisting she up her martial arts training, because what if that douchebag had followed her off the bus or fought back? I always thought that the boy child would be death of me, climbing up telephone poles, leaping from the roof of one play structure to another, and whatever death-defying job he ultimately chooses.  But now it seems like that it’ll be the girl child who gives me a heart attack.