Tag Archives: mad ramblings

Mad ramblings from the second week of a cleanse.

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Another yummy breakfast

Day 8- When they say sleep is important, especially if you are working towards a healthier lifestyle they mean it. This morning it was very difficult to keep to my fruit cleanse. I wanted fast carbs- white flour and sugar like crazy. Got all the kids off to school, then slept. I feel better now, but I’m still groggy and I can feel that my patience isn’t as high as I need it to be for work. I will breath, smile, and remind myself that this is temporary.

I got a new kid tonight, he seems nice, but I never sleep well when I have a new kid in the house. Not looking forward to tomorrow.

Day 9- Doing okay, I’m emotional- which today mean pissy. Got through my morning, and then did personal training at the gym. While suffering Evil’s plots and what I know to be a contest personal trainers hold to see who can get their clients to do the craziest stuff- I had a great book idea. Demons hiding as personal trainers. Evil laughed, just wait I will write it and in my book, Evil will not have hot wild sex with anyone!

Had a protein shake when I got home. I’m getting tired of fruit (imagine that) which means I’m eating less, but I’m still feeling good except for the emotional crap. Read up on voodoo (yes you should be scared), napped, took a bath so I could walk later. My mind was racing with really negative thoughts so I took some Melissa. Is this just because I haven’t slept well or is it part of the cleanse? Are old emotions releasing? Or am I panicking because I am no longer supporting my armor of fat?

Or maybe it’s showing me that not every day is a beautiful synchronistic day. Some days suck, some just are, and some your in the flow.

There’s a Zen story about two monks walking a sheer mountain path to get to their temple. A storm comes in and they can’t see except when the lighting crackles through the air. At which time they move forward as far as they can and wait for the next burst of lightning. The moral is the enlightenment isn’t the sun shining constantly, but burst of clarity that helps us move forward a bit at a time.

I like this, I’m going with the Zen.

Subdued three small children with apples- see fruit it a powerful thing 🙂

Dinner of cucumbers, avocado, and tomatoes. It’s yummier then it looks.

Day 10- Lots of moodiness. Definitely some emotional cleansing going on. I don’t want to eat fruit, so I’m pouting a lot. But physically I still feel really good.

Day 11- Okay I was tested big time. One of my kids lost his mind, while I wasn’t there. I was at a function for my daughter’s school – yes again- when I find out how bad his fit was. Poor things had to be removed from our place. So here I am upset I wasn’t there, feeling guilty one of ‘my kids’ is putting my co-workers and friends through all of this and I surrounded by pizza and cookies.
I didn’t eat any, and tried very hard to remind myself that I am not responsible for other people actions. That if I was working and one of them was off I would take care of it because that’s what we do.

Tala did awesome at the talent show, and I was able to calm down enough to enjoy it. But once I got home to anxiety crept up and I felt nauseous with guilt.

I felt this way until everything was settled at the hospital and my friend was home.
If I hadn’t been cleansing while I waited I would have been eating total crap. And I realized that while I would have felt full, and nauseous and added in more guilt for eating so much and poorly I wouldn’t have felt any better. Medicating with food doesn’t do any good. It doesn’t make me feel any better. I hope I remember this when I am done cleansing.

I don’t make myself food this pretty

Day 12- Today I have learned to tell the difference between a mistake I make and feeling responsible for stuff I have no control over. I did this because I made a mistake, and instead of feeling overwhelmed and out of control I was able to find solutions and work to fix it. When I’m feeling guilty and responsible for something that isn’t my fault, such as hubby getting a flat tire, there are no solutions.

Food wise I had to peel an avocado and take bites of it because I forgot my spoon and knife when we went to the park. I’m pretty sure I looked rather special in that moment.

Day 13- I didn’t eat enough today. Hubby made me a lovely breakfast, but after that he was busy until dinner and I worked all day- as I do on the weekends, and I was pouting because I didn’t want to eat fruit so I wound up with a headache and moody.

Watch out for berry thieves!

Day 14- I got two little boys late last night and didn’t go to bed until midnight. I was up at 5:30am to start getting kids up and about for school. I ate most of my breakfast but my two new ones 4 and 5 decided my fruit looked better then their cereal and kept stealing my berries. They are super cute, so I let it happen.

Worked out today and napped. Not much else. Keeping up with three little kids and two med sized kids takes a lot of energy! However I did feel good on the fruit only 🙂

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Mad rambles of the first week of a ‘cleanse’

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Okay so I’m calling what I’m doing a cleanse, because that’s what it is. I am cleansing my body to try and break unhealthy eating habits, and also trying to create new ones. Anyway now to the fun part- my thoughts, such as they were, for the first week of raw fruit and one protein shake per day.

Day 1- I am high on excitement and self-righteousness. I will beat my unhealthy eating habits. I will rise above negative thinking and slay the dieting yo-yo. I am the master of my destiny!

I kicked but during my workout! And while I feel a touch light headed it’s not enough to stop me!

This lasts until I feed the children dinner and damn it- I’m hungry, but I have told too many people about this so my ego comes to the rescue and I sit and smile while they eat. After I eat some dates. Rod (hubby) brings me a plate of tomatoes and avocado. I chew slowly to make it last.

A yummy breakfast Rod made for me.

Day 2- I expected to wake up so hungry I would try and bit someone, but thankfully due to Evil (aka my personal trainer) being in a good mood yesterday I am so sore I can’t even feel my stomach. So my breakfast of fresh fruit is welcome and enough. I’m thinking about making fruit for breakfast a life long thing. I like feeling this light.

I also feel like I look smaller- my upper stomach isn’t pooching out because I stuffed myself full of food.

I worked out, I never felt light headed, but I know I do have muscles because everyone of them hurts! My torture partner feels the same way so it’s Evil’s fault not my diet.

By post workout protein smoothie.

Okay tonight I was tested, not only was there popcorn in the house- yum. One of my work kids threw a big fit- it last about 45min. Normally the stress would have me making nachos, but that was not to be. What did I discover, that while yes I was stressed out I was also able to cope. I took some aspirin for my headache and some Melissa (Lemon Balm) for my stressed and racing brain and was able to fall asleep with no problem.

Day 3- Is the bitchy day- there was a lot of cussing when not around children and a lot of cussing going on in my head when around children. It was difficult to get through dinner, but my ego prevailed- this is why you tell people what you’re doing so your ego can pull you through.

Made it to the end of the day- my energy was good, I didn’t need my nap and Rod made me some amazing guacamole for dinner- I ate it with sliced cucumbers- yum!

Oh and I was able to button a pair of jeans I couldn’t last week- I still couldn’t zip them but I was an inch away from buttoning them week- so major improvement. It’s interesting how much space food takes up. I think I need to add portion control to my list of stuff I’m working on.

Day 4- I started out good. Some friends took me to the movies and I smuggled in grapes. I was worried that the smells of popcorn, nachos, and candy would do me in, but it has been ages since I went to the movies and I got so sucked into it that I didn’t care. The Avengers is amazing!! Joss Whedon is a movie making god!

I get one weekend off a month- this was my weekend. Normally it’s a time of great indulgence, so I had a difficult time settling into my fruit only routine. Dumped a ton of salsa into my guacamole tonight just for a different flavor!

Day 5- Took my family, who were feeling very betrayed, to The Avengers. Rod was a sweetie and didn’t eat the popcorn even though he loves it- daughter (Tala) has a black mark on the record now for happily munching away.

After words we went shopping. By the end I was very tired and felt really overwhelmed by all the people and energy around me.

More guacamole and cucumbers for dinner, then we went out to a fund raiser for my daughters school. There was a buffet filled with all sorts of snacky stuff. Rod filled a plate with strawberries and got a me a water- and he didn’t get anything for himself, he so rocks!

Everything was fine until I got a call about intense drama with my work kids. I became very anxious and had a lot of difficultly calming down. My poor co-workers must have gotten a dozen calls. They were very sweet, and of course they took care of everything as I knew they would. But not being there, not being able to get there easily, and feeling that out of control- that’s why I eat. I wasn’t hungry, but damn I wanted those friggin’ chips and candies!

I made it, I breathed and focused on the facts and tried to keep my writers brain controlled and not letting it run off with a problem that was fully under control into an apocalyptic event. I took Melissa to fall asleep.

Another yummy breakfast

Day 6 – Woke thinking about work kids- called and checked in took more Melissa. Watched Season One of Sherlock- just as awesome as I remember. Went grocery shopping with Rod and picked out some stuff. Came home and watched Ra-One and then took a nap.

Today was difficult, I was very emotional and wasn’t able to numb my emotions in my normal way. I did write in my gratitude journal to try and keep myself focused. This is the biggest habit I’m trying to break. So good practice I got through big emotional issues without major trouble.