Tag Archives: cleansing

Mad rambles of the first week of a ‘cleanse’


Okay so I’m calling what I’m doing a cleanse, because that’s what it is. I am cleansing my body to try and break unhealthy eating habits, and also trying to create new ones. Anyway now to the fun part- my thoughts, such as they were, for the first week of raw fruit and one protein shake per day.

Day 1- I am high on excitement and self-righteousness. I will beat my unhealthy eating habits. I will rise above negative thinking and slay the dieting yo-yo. I am the master of my destiny!

I kicked but during my workout! And while I feel a touch light headed it’s not enough to stop me!

This lasts until I feed the children dinner and damn it- I’m hungry, but I have told too many people about this so my ego comes to the rescue and I sit and smile while they eat. After I eat some dates. Rod (hubby) brings me a plate of tomatoes and avocado. I chew slowly to make it last.

A yummy breakfast Rod made for me.

Day 2- I expected to wake up so hungry I would try and bit someone, but thankfully due to Evil (aka my personal trainer) being in a good mood yesterday I am so sore I can’t even feel my stomach. So my breakfast of fresh fruit is welcome and enough. I’m thinking about making fruit for breakfast a life long thing. I like feeling this light.

I also feel like I look smaller- my upper stomach isn’t pooching out because I stuffed myself full of food.

I worked out, I never felt light headed, but I know I do have muscles because everyone of them hurts! My torture partner feels the same way so it’s Evil’s fault not my diet.

By post workout protein smoothie.

Okay tonight I was tested, not only was there popcorn in the house- yum. One of my work kids threw a big fit- it last about 45min. Normally the stress would have me making nachos, but that was not to be. What did I discover, that while yes I was stressed out I was also able to cope. I took some aspirin for my headache and some Melissa (Lemon Balm) for my stressed and racing brain and was able to fall asleep with no problem.

Day 3- Is the bitchy day- there was a lot of cussing when not around children and a lot of cussing going on in my head when around children. It was difficult to get through dinner, but my ego prevailed- this is why you tell people what you’re doing so your ego can pull you through.

Made it to the end of the day- my energy was good, I didn’t need my nap and Rod made me some amazing guacamole for dinner- I ate it with sliced cucumbers- yum!

Oh and I was able to button a pair of jeans I couldn’t last week- I still couldn’t zip them but I was an inch away from buttoning them week- so major improvement. It’s interesting how much space food takes up. I think I need to add portion control to my list of stuff I’m working on.

Day 4- I started out good. Some friends took me to the movies and I smuggled in grapes. I was worried that the smells of popcorn, nachos, and candy would do me in, but it has been ages since I went to the movies and I got so sucked into it that I didn’t care. The Avengers is amazing!! Joss Whedon is a movie making god!

I get one weekend off a month- this was my weekend. Normally it’s a time of great indulgence, so I had a difficult time settling into my fruit only routine. Dumped a ton of salsa into my guacamole tonight just for a different flavor!

Day 5- Took my family, who were feeling very betrayed, to The Avengers. Rod was a sweetie and didn’t eat the popcorn even though he loves it- daughter (Tala) has a black mark on the record now for happily munching away.

After words we went shopping. By the end I was very tired and felt really overwhelmed by all the people and energy around me.

More guacamole and cucumbers for dinner, then we went out to a fund raiser for my daughters school. There was a buffet filled with all sorts of snacky stuff. Rod filled a plate with strawberries and got a me a water- and he didn’t get anything for himself, he so rocks!

Everything was fine until I got a call about intense drama with my work kids. I became very anxious and had a lot of difficultly calming down. My poor co-workers must have gotten a dozen calls. They were very sweet, and of course they took care of everything as I knew they would. But not being there, not being able to get there easily, and feeling that out of control- that’s why I eat. I wasn’t hungry, but damn I wanted those friggin’ chips and candies!

I made it, I breathed and focused on the facts and tried to keep my writers brain controlled and not letting it run off with a problem that was fully under control into an apocalyptic event. I took Melissa to fall asleep.

Another yummy breakfast

Day 6 – Woke thinking about work kids- called and checked in took more Melissa. Watched Season One of Sherlock- just as awesome as I remember. Went grocery shopping with Rod and picked out some stuff. Came home and watched Ra-One and then took a nap.

Today was difficult, I was very emotional and wasn’t able to numb my emotions in my normal way. I did write in my gratitude journal to try and keep myself focused. This is the biggest habit I’m trying to break. So good practice I got through big emotional issues without major trouble.



FYI- this post hasn’t been edited because I’m feeling inspired right now and because this is a raw subject so I’m letting myself be raw and vulnerable. Okay I’m a day late posting and don’t have time to get it edited- but the vulnerable thing sounded good right?

Today is the day I stop ‘trying to lose weight’ and do it. Six years ago I began my battle with my body, trying different things to lose weight. I would say out loud that I wanted to be healthy and feel better. I have a daughter whose self esteem I’m trying to preserve. But it always came down to numbers on the scale and tag of clothes.

Anyway as I’m sure it is for most of you the battle never ends. It’s a yo-yo ride of horror, where you eat well, exercise, say your positive affirmations and lose some weight. Then something happens. You fight with your spouse, stress because of an asshole at work, you get on the scale which hasn’t changed much and you try to console yourself that you have lost inches and gone down a dress size and muscle weighs more then fat, but that number on the fucking scale burns through everything good leaving a gaping wound which can only be filled by fried chocolaty things.

*crickers chirping* okay maybe that last one is just me.

Point being something happens, maybe it’s a good thing like a party. And you eat. You eat yummy greasy things that make you feel heavy, then numb. And the world is a tough place and dealing with emotions when you have so much to get done can be challenging, and numb feels really good right now. So you order some Chinese food and turn on re-runs of Big Bang Theory and become happily numb.

And, of course, you gain all the weight right back.

So for the past six years this has been me. I’d like to think I am smarter then this, that I would have learned some trick, or sucked it the fuck up and just pushed past it, but I didn’t and I actually weight more now then when I started.

So I am calling out a battle cry against the yo-yo of evil. I am going to break through my bad eating habits, and work on the emotional aspect while doing it- see I can learn.

Why now? You might ask, well really it’s a depressing story and involves crying in Target after trying on jeans on my birthday- lets just not go there.

My master plan I shall share with you. I am doing a cleanse for 30days. I have done it before and have my Personal Trainer and a nutritionist (okay my hubby with tons of life experience) helping me out. I will have a protein shake after working out, and the rest of the time eat raw fruit. My goal is to cleanse my body of all the crap I’ve been eating and break my addictions to carbs, salt, fat, sugar, and gooeyness.

I also want to break my cycle of eating until I’m numb and ignoring my emotions. So to do this I will be following the advice I read in an article on Oprah’s site which talked about emotional eating, you can read it here

Bob Greene talks about making a pie chart with eight segments and putting down the eight things that are most important to you. Then you color in the sections you feel are good in your life. The ones you don’t fill in are places you are trying to eat to fill up. Interesting. So, I will also being doing this, and trying to work on the emotional reasons I eat.

Here are my eight-

1-My kids

2- My hubby

3- Work

4- Writing

5- Friends

6- Spirituality/ self reflection/ personal growth

7- Fun

8- Financial Security

I will continue to write in my gratitude journal, and I’m going to focus on adding more joy into my life. Also I’m going to work on accepting that I am an emotionally sensitive person. I cry at commercials. I am dramatic and use my hands a lot when I speak. And this is okay. I’m not broken. I don’t have to change, or suck it up, or fix anything. Yes, there are times and places for things, but I’m an adult and I can wait to freak out, I don’t need to numb myself so I don’t feel it at all. And no matter how intense my emotions I’m strong enough to handle them. They won’t break me.

So, have you managed to defeat the evil yo-yo?

What would your eight things be?

How do you handle your emotions when it isn’t safe to express them right then?