Category Archives: Parenting

Purveyor Of Wizened Wisdom

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I think I need a wizards hat and maybe a crystal ball.  Hat created by secretlondon

I think I need a wizards hat and maybe a crystal ball.
Hat created by secretlondon

So there I am lying in bed my body racked with fever and doused with Nyquil (okay Walgreen store brand Nyquil) when my dear daughter walks in and begins to complain about … well… pretty much everything.

As she complained I felt a deep connection to something grater. I became a conduit for Wizened Wisdom.

DD: Mom I don’t want to go to martial arts tomorrow morning. Logan said he was working so I was expecting to stay home and really I just don’t feel like going.

Me: She who pokes tigers with sticks must learn to fight the beast.

DD: What the hell was that? Was that an answer? DAD! something is wrong with mom!

Me: I am a purveyor of Wizened Wisdom; you should feel blessed to be in my presence.

DD: (snorts) Whatever. Hey mom I think it’s stupid to go to school on Monday. We have Tuesday off and no one is even going to go to school. It’ll just be me and I’ll be bored and lonely and we won’t even learn anything important.

Me: It is only through adversity that a blade becomes sharp and strong, my little warrior princess.

DD: OMG I can’t even talk to you! DAD! get control of your wife.

DH: You can go clean up now.

DD has let her mom’s friend paint her face for Day of the Dead. It looks amazing but needs to be washed off. I doze off then wake and hear the water running. It sounds like it’s just the sink.

Me: Is Tala washing her face in the sink?

DH: No she’s taking a shower.

Me: Oh, good, because one should not use a brook when the power of a waterfall is needed.

DH: For the love of all that is holy, stop talking and go to sleep.

Me: It is only in silence the truth can be heard.

DH: What does that even mean??

My family didn’t really appreciate my Wizened Wisdom, but I think it’s because they were overwhelmed by the power of my words.

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I’m Invisible My Daughter Can Now Date

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Concealment Shorts, a must have. Photo by Optics Planet

Concealment Shorts, a must have.
Photo by Optics Planet


There is a new kit from Optics Planet, the Invisible Man kit. They say it is great for hunting, hide-n-seek and dating. But I think they are missing a valuable marketing tool, although it would make for a truly epic game of hide-n-seek.

I saw this kit and the first thought I had was Thank goodness. I can now hide from my children while still keeping an eye on them.

Just pop on that ghillie suit and you can watch the kids play in the backyard and eat your favorite treat without children trying to steal any. Oh, yes, I thought this is truly a brilliant idea, and then hubby came home, saw the kit and said. “Okay, Tala can date now.”

“Um, what?”

“Well now I can ‘watch’ her and the boy on dates, so she’ll be safe.”

I looked at the kit and smiled, oh yes.

Look at all the goodies. Photo by Optics Planet

Look at all the goodies.
Photo by Optics Planet

Ghillie suit for instant camouflage—woodland and snow!

A tactical vest to carry all your equipment.

Pro ears to make sure that boy is speaking kindly to our daughter.

Binoculars, night-vision and thermal scopes. You will see them anywhere!

And of course, in case the boy is stupid and didn’t take your threat—um, friendly warning—seriously, a knife and shovel.
Oh there is so much more to this kit, the possibilities are endless.

Don’t worry, I hear your cries. Yes, it’s true supernatural boys are all the rage these days, and yes, a werewolf, shape shifter, or vampire could detect a normal person’s presence. But you won’t be a normal person—you’ve chosen to buy the Invisible Man kit, and they have thought of everything!

Even more goodies. Photo By Optics Planet

Even more goodies.
Photo By Optics Planet

This preternatural boy won’t be able to smell you as you monitor the safety of your daughter because the Invisible Man Kit comes with four—yes four—different scents: skunk, cougar, white-tail deer, and boar! (Please don’t use animal scents on the full moon around werewolf boyfriends.)

What about your own scent? They have that covered, too. The Port-A-P hunting urinal seals so tightly that sensitive noses won’t sniff out your presence no matter how long you perch in that tree watching the den of sin. Or as your daughter said, “Relax. It’s just a party. I’m sure his parents will be there somewhere.” Never rely on other parents again! With the Invisible Man kit you can make sure your daughter is safe. It won’t matter if she’s dating a tattooed drummer or a hundred-year-old vampire, you will be there!

For more ideas watch the Invisible Man video.

What is your favorite part of the Invisible Man kit? How would you use it?

For only $20,000 I’m expecting one for Christmas, and hopefully hubby will splurge and go for the $20,009.99 kit so I can also get the hat!

My son is seventeen today.

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My son is seventeen today. Who let that happen? I want to write something poignant and funny, but it just isn’t flowing like that this morning.

Some days I’m shocked when this young man walks into the room towering over me and saying, Hey mom what’s there to eat?” I keep expecting to see my young son and his little sister belly crawl across the floor in camo and face paint. And while I might still see Logan doing that he couldn’t talk Tala into it any more.

I don’t miss those days- I was there for them, every single one. My husband and I chose to have me stay at home. We chose to live with one car, no cable, no insurance, and just above poverty level so I could stay home and home school our kids. When I see Logan I know it was all worth it.
I gave myself until my kids turned 25 to decided if I had done a good job as a parent. I know I’ve made mistakes- I can easily list them- but over all I’ve done a good job, and I know this because my son is awesome.

Logan is everything I had hoped he would be- kind, thoughtful, respectful, strong, intelligent, self-assured, independent, self-motivated, and adventurous.
When Logan was a baby I was holding him up in front of a mirror and he was smiling at himself the way babies do, and I remember thinking I hope he always looks in the mirror and feels that way about himself, and I think he does.

I also said- while pregnant- that Calvin’s parent (from Calvin and Hobbs- just didn’t appreciate him enough. I have regretted saying that- as I think my son has stopped my heart dozen of times as he climbed light poles, jumped from the top of one play structure to another, fell from twenty feet in the air doing aerial silks, did basic training with Sea Cadets in another state, studies parkour or free running, and next year he wants to go to Kenya. KENYA! None of us even have a passport, but my son is headed so far away I won’t even be able to reach him if he needs me. Not that he will. But still- I will be freaking out.

Some how I have managed to keep my ass in my chair and let my son be who he is and explore the world. How did I do it? It’s easy. I didn’t watch. I sat with my back to Logan and as other mom’s would gasp with fear as he made it ¾ up a light pole I would listen, and wait to find out if he needed me. I kept my fears and worries to myself- well other then ranting to my husband- and I let my son be who he is. And I think it’s the greatest thing I have ever done.