Category Archives: Alica Mckenna Johnson

The Evil of Resolutions

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I no longer post New Year’s resolutions, as the Universe seems to take that as a list of how to mess with me. I do have goals, which I won’t share because the Universe is watching.

However, I just saw to great posts I want to share on dieting vs health. So many of us are planning on dieting, or getting healthy this year, but if you aren’t careful you can make things worse.

So please check out this Ted Talk video. Watch the whole thing. If you stop half way through, you’ll get depressed.

And this amazing post by my friend August on focusing on health and joy.

I hope 2015 is a great year for you all! And good luck on all your goals and resolutions!

What was your excuse?

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So you can’t do it why? Cause you’re not strong enough, fit enough, thin enough? What exactly are you letting hold you back, cause after watching these I’d challenge your excuses. If you want it you can make it happen. I believe in you! Now I just need to believe in me. 🙂

Do Your Kids Omegle? Because they’re seeing dick if they do.

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My daughter is not impressed.

My daughter is not impressed.


Me How was the party last night?

DD It was awesome. We went on Omegle and there were some cool people we chatted with and then we got this old guy showing up his dick, and we screamed, and I think R was damaged cause she’s actually nice and innocent. Anyway we found a pic of a better dick and sent it to him.

Me Excuse me what???

So Omegle is a social media site that hooks you up with strangers. You don’t create a profile, put in your email, or name, you do have to say you’re over the age of 18, SURPRISE kids are using it.

So you get on and agree to behave then wait and suddenly there is a stranger there before you ready to talk, or show you his dick. Now you can add your interests when you get on, meeting someone, anime, knitting, dick, whatever and the site will connect you to people who have also put those things as interests, so you can narrow things down.
DD tells me she mostly uses it to connect with people who like Homestuck and apparently people will cos-play and act out scenarios with other cos-players if they’re online.

Anyway, back to the dick. My DD isn’t concerned or offended by this, she hits stop and they go away. Okay, she now says, “Wow, that looks like a dick only smaller.” Then goes away.

The other night she and her brother were on Omegle and set up the lights and such so when they got someone a red light would surround DD and they would invite the person to join in their satanic ritual. Yes, Omegle is a great place for practical jokes. Most people laughed, some just left, and one guy jumped up grabbed a goat skull and said he was ready.

Not sure what to do about DD, if anything, but I wanted to let the rest of you know what Omegle is and what can be going on there. And while the people you connect with can’t find out who you are from the site itself, you are able to give the stranger you’re chatting to any information you want.

So here is a fun video of an Omegle prank.

Kill all the germs!!

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Photo by P33TR on wikicommons

Photo by P33TR on wikicommons


So today I held the hand of one of the elementary school kids as we walked home, a mistake I shall not repeat. Thirty minutes later the houseparent comes and asks me to look at his eye.

Oh yes, he has pink eye.

OMG I TOUCHED PINK EYE GERMS.

I am calm in front the child. Once they leave I grab the Lysol and spray EVERYTHING I can remember touching and a lot I don’t. I spray light switches, door handles, my call phone, the computer, and my keys. Then I use hand sanitizer and give huge snotty globs of it to all the kids to rub over their hands and arms, maybe their faces if they have some left over.

My eyes itch like crazy, probably a combination of hypochondria, the chemicals filling the air, and the most evil pink eye virus which will obviously EAT MY EYES!!!

So any pink eye advice? Not that I’ll need it, cause soon my eye balls will be gone, leaving behind nothing but gooey holes in my head.

Pick a Bio

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Okay, everyone, I need some help picking a bio. Feel free to tweak them as I am open to all help.

“Wait,” you cry, “there is no mention of shirtless men in kilts chained to your bed! Alica has been replaced by a pod person! Get your flamethrowers and let’s go save her!”

STOP. While I am thankful for your concern and willingness to burn aliens for me, the first series of books I am putting out is YA.

Yes, I can write ‘clean-ish’ enough for YA. Yes, I’m serious. Yes, in book three there is a guy in a kilt. 
I choose to write a YA series because I spend so much of my time writing that I wanted something my kids could also read. Of course I decided this five years ago foolishly thinking I would have my book ready in a year. Wow, was I ever that naive?

Anyway, I still need your help to pick a fun bio that won’t scare YA readers too badly.

Bio 1
Alica spent the first thirty years of her life walking around with stories constantly running through her head. She never thought of herself as a writer due to her poor spelling and grammar. When the story would stop she wrote it down. Then one day—like a savior in a shining breastplate—a woman with vision, excellent taste, and mad editing skills swooped into Alica’s life and slayed her mistakes, allowing all to read the fantastic stories running through her mind.

In the mundane world Alica is houseparent to an ever-changing collection kids, ranging from 2-12 depending on the time of day. Wife of one amazing husband who helps plot, works out fight scenes, cooks, and always has a stash of chocolate ready. She also startles easily because no matter what she’s doing Alica is always plotting her next great novel.

Bio 2
Being told she was a horrible speller and would never learn to use a comma correctly, Alica never thought to write down the stories she constantly had running through her head. Doesn’t everyone daydream about flying on a spaceship while walking to school?

Not until she was thirty did Alica dare to write down any of the people living exciting lives in her head. The relief was instantaneous. By giving them life on the page they could be released from her mind and given greater adventures.

As her books grew in size and the voices in her head learned to wait their turn, Alica found a loyal group to journey with. Women who would help her slay her commas, and use their magical gifts to traverse plot holes, transform words into their proper spelling, and release characters from any Mary Sue spells they might be under.
In-between magical adventures, Alica is mom to two personal kids, five foster kids, has one exceptional hubby, a bunny she knows is plotting her death, and some fish, aka her daughter’s minions.

My Kids Are Home, Save Me

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So it’s Labor Day, which means the kids are home from school. That doesn’t inherently sound bad, but they are currently making a list of ways to spend my money, playing French rap, and talking to me while I’m trying to write.

How is your Labor Day?

Video of French rap, just in case you wanted to hear it.

How would you stay safe?

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Another new adult book, and another fiery rage burning in my body by chapter two. I’m beginning to hate this genre as a whole, so if anyone knows of a good new adult book, please let me know. BTW, a good one won’t have a heroine who is TSTL (To Stupid To Live) and who is forced into situation by her ‘best friend.’ Also it won’t have a womanizing jerk for a hero. This one looked at a crowd of drinking girls and thought of them as ‘easy pickings.’ Now once he gets our heroine in his arms, he wants to protect her and soothe her fears instead of coerce her into bed, but it’s too late—I hate him.

I’m also wondering if I’m just being a horrid judgmental bitch. Having been raised by a strong feminist mother, one who volunteered for a rape crisis center, I grew up with ‘rules’ of how to stay safe on dates and at parties. My mom taught me these rules and I will teach them to my daughter in the hopes of keeping her as safe as possible.
A PERSON IS NEVER ASKING TO BE RAPED OR ASSULTED AND IT IS NEVER THEIR FAULT, NEVER! RULES OR NO RULES.

My ‘rules’
1) Always have one person who is watching out for the others. You can take turns, or in my case it’s always me, because I never drink much. This person makes sure no one drives drunk or goes home with a stranger.

2) Never—ever—take a drink from someone you don’t trust. Watch the bartender pour it if you can, or get drinks in unopened bottles.

3) Never leave your drink unattended. If you walk away from your drink ,you get a new one.

4) Always have ‘mad money’ set aside to get a taxi if you need to. A lot of cabs will do credit cards now, but it’s always good to have $20 stashed just in case.

5) Never go somewhere to be alone with someone you don’t know/trust. Find a corner table, sit outside where others are nearby, but where you can still have a conversation. You do not go to their car, an empty room, or anywhere else they can isolate you.

Obviously if you want to have sex with someone, this last rule does not apply, but then you are making a choice—which is how it should be. People should choose to have sex.

So I put the question to you, what advice, rules, and strategies do you use or tell your children or friends to do in order to keep safe while going to clubs, bars, or parties where there is a lot of drinking?