Fandom Retirement Homes

Supernatural, Misha Collins, SPN, Alica Mckenna Johnson, Gage Skidmore

Oh no don’t go there!
Photo by Gage Skidmore

Someday we will all get old, our brains will turn into mush and we will live in the past. Some lucky people will live in their own past, but for those of us with dysfunctional, obsessive, active fandoms what if we live in our stories?

They will need to make fandom themed retirement homes.

“Yes, Dean, we had the orderlies salt all the windows and doorways.”

“Sam, the priest will be here in thirty minutes to bless all the water. Yes, even in your water guns.”

“Ellen put the camera down and stop encouraging Castiel, Dean and Sam to have sex on the table.”


“Yes, Agent Hill, the repairs are underway. Yes, we have removed Galaga from the computer systems.”

“No, Director Fury, there have been no worldwide threats made today. You can relax.”

“Agent Romanoff, put the camera down and please stop encouraging Thor and Loki to have sex on the table.”

Harry Potter, Alica Mckenna-Johnson, Lucius Malfoy, Hagrid, Neville Longbottom

Who will you be?
Photo by Sarah_Akerman

Harry Potter

“Yes, Dark Lord Voldemort, I will make sure that Harry bloody Potter stops touching you and causing you pain. You’re right—it just isn’t fair.”

“Mr. Black you aren’t in your animagus form. Please stop licking my feet and peeing in the bushes.”

“Miss. Granger, sorry Mrs. Weasley, today is it. Please put the camera down and stop asking Harry and Draco to have wild hot dragon sex on the table.”

How many Sherlocks could one home hold and have the staff stay sane?  Photo by touchedmuch

How many Sherlocks could one home hold and have the staff stay sane?
Photo by touchedmuch

BBC Mysteries

Memo to all staff: Mrs. Campbell died in her sleep last night. Five of the college kids will be up to play different detectives, they’ve all been here before so they know the drill. Marcy is manning the phones all 911/ 999 call shall be routed to her. The local police have also been informed just in case our Sherlocks have managed to get cell phones again.

“Residents! I’m afraid Mrs. Campbell passed away in her sleep last night.”

“Watson, the game is afoot, get that medical report, where’s Lestrade?”

“Indeed, could you tell me what time?’

“Of course, Miss Marple. Her body was found at six this morning.”

“Oh really? How peculiar.”

“Well, that is sad. We have to go plant the begonias. Come along, Rosemary.”

“Mr. Frost, please put the camera away and stop encouraging Sherlock and Dr. Watson to have sex on the table.”

Of course some people are going to switch fandoms, so we would need some multi-fandom or crossover fandom retirement homes.

“Don’t worry Bobby, Luna is a good witch. She was born this way. She didn’t make any demon deals, so please stop throwing holy water on her.”

“Captain Rogers, please calm down. I know their clothes are a bit unusual, but you did get into the TARDIS with Dr. Who to go see Spartacus.”

“Mrs. Potts, put the camera down and please stop encouraging Mr. Stark and Mr. Potter to have sex on the table.”

So what fandom retirement home will you be in?

Alica Mckenna-Johnson, cosplay

Photo by styeb

4 responses »

  1. Great post!

    I’ve often said I’d retire to the Jimmy Hendrix retirement home — or The Holodeck, a Star Trek based retirement home. Kirk and Picard would be there, of course, and young Kirk too.The captains of the other Trek-based tv shows…not so much.

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