Monthly Archives: August 2013

I am a Movie Grinch

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My poor husband I am so mean to him.

My poor husband I am so mean to him.


I love movies, and I enjoy going to the theater, but I HATE spending that much money. It’s crazy for me and my family. To go and buy drinks and popcorn is over $80! For two hours’ worth of fun, I just can’t stomach it.

My hubby on the other hand LOVES going to the movies and the whole movie experience. So I bite my tongue and try not to act like the movie-going version of the Grinch when he asks the kids if they want anything.

They are children, the money sucking vampires, of course they want something!

I flinch when the total comes up and think of all the things I could have bought with the money we just spent, add in the money for the tickets, too, and my aversion to going to the movies grows. I keep these thoughts to myself as my hubby and the money vampires are now happily munching popcorn and slurping sodas.

Instead I settle in and allow myself to get lost in the film. We really don’t go very often, so the movie watching part is great.

Once the movie is over, I go back to the money issue. Did we just have eighty-plus dollars’ worth of fun? In a few months it would have been at the cheap theater (we have second-run three-dollar movie theaters in town) or even better at the video store. (Yes, I still go to one). Then the popcorn would be organic and a thousand times cheaper than the first-run movie theater.

Photo by Veggiefrog

Photo by Veggiefrog

Again, I do my best to keep these thoughts to myself. Because I live in Arizona, going from the cold dark theater to basically the face of the sun when I step outside, my scowl is mistaken for a personal war against the heat.
Thankfully we don’t go often due to not having a car, not having any free time, and me sighing and saying ‘Are you sure it will be worth it? What’s on Netflix?’

So are you a movie Grinch? Or do you love the movies enough to pay ten dollars for twenty five cents worth of popcorn?

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This is what I have to live with.

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Logan

Logan

So I’ve been writing down the odd, creepy, and sometimes funny things my children have said. Please enjoy.

“I always try to have a magnesium block when running from bad guys.” –Logan

“Mom, that’s not how obsession works.” – Tala

“I want Dad to divorce you and become gay and marry Adam Lambert or Cheeks because that would be awesome.” – Tala

“Wait, you mean we have to kill everyone in the kitchen?”- Logan and his friend, age 4

“I’m watching you. My eyes are everywhere. The fish are my minions!”- Tala

Tala

Tala

“Americans are stupid and smell like grease.” – Tala (We are American’s BTW)

“If you find a body in the bathroom, it’s not mine.” –Tala

“I don’t mind the popularity, it’s the fans that get annoying.”- Logan

“I like to violate the law from the safety of my own home.”- Tala

“I want to become a cobbler. It is my life’s dream to become a cobbler. Okay, well, it’s not, but I still want to study to be a cobbler.” Logan

“Mom, guys who are into the things I’m into aren’t hot; they’re really not.” Tala

We’re looking at new cell phones, and, of course, Tala wants an iPhone, and I’m looking at the cheapest. “I feel like I’m in an arranged marriage.”- Tala

“I judge people on the bus, but I don’t look at them.” – Tala

Crazy zealot protesting gays outside a coffee shop see my daughter and her friend walking, and he says. “See: a good white American Christian couple.” And then my daughter said, “Thanks. I used to be a man.”

“Wait, you can get whatever you want carved on your tombstone? Then I want hot, shirtless, anime guys on mine.”- Tala

What is the craziest thing your kids have ever said?

When Showering makes Your To Do List.

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Alica Mckenna Johnson, showering, busy moms, to-do lists

Photo by CarlosPacheco

Mom*/author hybrids are the only combo group of people I know who feel a sense of pride and accomplishment when we manage to take a shower. We’ll even post it on Facebook.

*Note I haven’t added dads because they don’t post their showers on Facebook. I suspect they either don’t care or hose off in the garden when they’re ‘bathing’ the children.

I just showered, put on clean yoga pants, and remembered my deodorant! Woo-hoo. Now it’s time for bed.

I think it is important to note that showering is just body only. Washing hair is another mark on the to do list, and shaving gets its own special ticky box, and announcement.

I won’t say how long it has been, because you might call the health department, but today I showered, washed my hair, and shaved! I know it’s two in the morning but I’m thinking of waking hubby up so he can appreciate my looking like a regular human being.

Do you add showering to your to do list? If you have a different job/life and find showering a luxury that doesn’t happen every day, or week, let me know. We need to stick together.

Warning Signs

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My poor dad if only he had known.

My poor dad if only he had known.

There are a few events from my childhood that should have been a warning that something wasn’t right with me, I would grow up to be a writer. Here’s one of them.

When I was eight I spent hours one summer afternoon throwing a tennis ball against the garage door. It seemed innocent enough, but I was systematically not using a finger as I threw the ball. I started with my thumb, btw it is very hard to throw and catch a ball not using your thumb, then pointer finger, middle, ring, and finally my cute little pinkie finger.

As I tested each finger I would hold it up and see how well I could throw and catch the ball without using it.
The point? I wanted to see if I had to lose a finger which one would be the easiest to live without. At the time it was the middle finger, but I was young and innocent than and didn’t realize how important the middle finger really is for an adult.

So what about you? What strange things did you do as a child? Did you tell anyone? I never did, I assumed every one did these things so it wasn’t worth talking about. If only my parents had known, I could have gotten professional help LOL!

Pleasure an Author Day

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Alica Mckenna Johnson, chocolate, wine, pleasure, author

Photo by Mastermaq


I have decided to make a Pleasure an Author Day!!!! Woo-hoo!Break out the whips and chains, um, I mean wine and chocolates. 🙂

So what exactly are we doing? Well, if you are naughty like me, you have a bunch of books you need to review, and today you shall go and review them. No excuses! Go to Amazon, Goodreads, B&N, Smashwords, anywhere and everywhere you can, and let the authors whose books you’ve read know how much you enjoyed them.
But what if I didn’t enjoy them, you might ask. Well, you have two choices: you can be a wuss like me and only review 4 and 5 star books, or you can review them anyway. For some sites once a book has a certain number of reviews, it gets added to their recommendations lists that pop up, so every review, even unenthusiastic, ones are helpful.

But, Alica I don’t know what to say. Neither do I. I am not a “reviewer,” and sometimes I leave a few sentences, but a few words is fine also. The only rule you must follow is that if you have spoilers, make the first line of your review a spoiler alert, Here, you can copy this one:
SPOILERS, THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS!!!
But, Alica, some places I can’t just leave stars; I have to say something, but what??? Don’t worry, I shall help you, please copy and paste any of the following phrases to make your reviewing process easier:

So much fun.
Couldn’t put it down.
I couldn’t sleep, it scared me so much.
I was on the edge of my seat.
I was afraid to put it down. The action was so intense I was sure things would happen while I wasn’t looking. (Admit it, you do this.)
Buy the super soft tissues, this book will break your heart.
Such a beautiful story.
So sexy, I would like the hero or heroine delivered to my home please.
Kilts *swoons* such hotness.
I feel inspired, thank you.
I laughed so hard I peed a little.

Okay, so in the comments, offer a few more review phrases people can use. Tell us how many books you reviewed today. I searched under the couch cushions and found ten dollars in change and a fuzzy butterscotch, so the one with the most reviews will win a $10 gift card to Amazon.

Da Rules-

1- It is per book, not per review so if you review a book in three different places (and please do so) you only get to count it once.
2- You have to have read it in the past six months.
3- Contest ends Sunday 8/4 at midnight.

Come on you have all weekend to make as many authors shudder in happiness as you can!