Monthly Archives: June 2013

Psychic Teens

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Summer Glau, vagueonthehow, River, Firefly, psychic teens, Alica Mckenna Johnson

Photo by Vagueonthehow


There is a special time when I think with the right guidance people could learn psychic gifts. You see, when a teenager is angry, you can feel it. Not just hear the huff of irritation, see the eyeroll of angst, or watch the sharp angry movement of disgust at every adult in the world.

No, teenagers make the very air toxic when they are upset. It’s as if a fog sweeps through their pores and you breathe in their anger and hatred for you. When they pout, because you are just so unfair and don’t understand, vibrations emanate from them that make your teeth ache. It feels as if someone is continually scratching their nails on a chalk board.

If you call them on the psychic attacks they just get pissy and storm off saying they aren’t doing anything.
But they are—they are trying to kill you with their mind.

Oh sure, it’s subconscious, but if they had training they could become lethal weapons. The Alliance took River Tam when she was a young teenager for a reason, you know.

Girls tend to be more powerful than boys simply because they will internalize their anger and seethe silently for hour, days, sometimes weeks. Ask a girl to clean up after herself, and you need to bring out crystals and sweet grass to burn in order to protect yourself from their toxic fuming.

Boys tend to be more instant. They cuss at you, slam their bedroom door, turn on their music and move on. But those boys who internalize their venomous teen angst are just as toxic.

Unfortunately, there is little a parent can do. Ignore the teen, and go about your business. When I say ignore, I don’t mean glaring at them or their bedroom door waiting for the psychic attack to stop. I mean do something, read a book, check your email. While your stomach is turning inside out, and you’re thinking of pulling out your own teeth just to make it stop, you pretend like nothing is happening.

Chocolate is good for dementors and psychic teen attacks. Always have some on hand; dark chocolate works best mostly because teens don’t tend to like it and will leave it alone.

Breathe slow and steady and remember eventually a friend will text them, their favorite song will come on the radio, or they’ll fall asleep and the attack will stop. But be careful until then, because in that moment you have a River or Sheldon trying to kill you with their brain.

Jim Parsons, Sheldon, Melody J Sandoval, Alica Mckenna Johnson

Photo by MelodyJSandoval

20 days of freaking out

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docguy, weight loss , ice cream

Photo by docguy

Sane is not a word most people would use to describe me, which is why twenty days before I am going on the annual work trip to San Diego I am trying desperately to lose weight. Yes, ye, I said annual trip. And yes, after seeing pictures of me last year on the beach, I wanted to throw-up and cry. I vowed to never go back to the beach looking like that. I VOWED! And then I ate ice cream.

So here I am twenty days before we leave and at least sixty pounds overweight. Can a person lose three pounds a day??

Seriously I’m counting calories, getting my butt into odd yoga position, and doing cardio until vomiting seems like a fun idea (well I’ve been doing it for two days now). Point being, why do I do this? Why didn’t I watch my calories intake over the past year? Seriously, I knew this was coming. Why didn’t I exercise more? I have tons of videos for those days when my gym buddy can’t go; there was no reason why my lazy ass couldn’t have done something, anything, other than partake of second breakfast and sit on my ass.

Do you do this to yourself? Are you a last minute panic person or do you take your time and get a bit done every day so it’s easy?

What Will You Hoard?

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zombies, survial gear, Alica Mckenna Johnson

Photo by fekaylius


Ah yes, the End Times have come, zombies shuffle down the street dropping bits of skin as they go, you’ve already killed the top five on your “Who I Will Kill off Pretending They Are Zombies” list. So now what?

The first rush of rioters have cleaned out the alcohol, Oreos, and big screen TV’s. Most of this first rush are hiding in the closets, crying, or already dead. You chuckle remembering the big Apocalypse party they held across the street. The people were so drunk that when the zombies ate them, they couldn’t walk. If America’s Funniest Home Videos comes back you have a winner for sure.

Good Times.

Well, now it’s your turn. The first-run idiots took stuff to get them through the day, but you are planning on surviving and leading humanity into its glorious return!!

What Will It Be?

What will you go out and pillage? What supplies will make your top ten list? I’ll even make it easy and say you have some mode of transportation, car, horse drawn cart, steam engine, or dirigible. Whatever you want, the point it weight and space don’t have to be an option.

My top ten items to hoard:

Dental floss. There are plenty of recipes for simple toothpaste, but I bet it will take a while before someone is making enough thread that we can use it for dental floss and not just to sew clothes.

How To Books. This covers a lot, but I want books on how to make and do everything. Canning, blacksmithing, tanning, farming, carpentry, knitting, sewing, animal care. The list is endless, but I will gather as many as possible. I will probably go with used bookstores first as the older the book, the less technology it will use.

Solar. Anything and everything solar I can get my grubby little hands on. Unless something happens to wipe out all electricity permanently, solar should work to run places independently. And, people, I’m going to want my Kindle up and running.

solar oven, zombie apocalypse, Alica McKenna Johnson

Photo by EBKauai

Yarn and fabric. Yep, I will be raiding yarn and fabric stores. Finally I will have that beautiful hand dyed silk yarn from Japan!!! The clothes we are wearing will only last so long, then we will need new ones.

Shoes, I don’t know how to make shoes and while hubby can make moccasins, I will be pillaging stores for shoes, especially hiking boots. Having a good pair of shoes can mean the difference between life and death in a survival situation.

Photo by Bods

Photo by Bods

Baking soda. This is used in many types of cleaners from toothpastes to mixes to scrub pots. I’m not sure how to get baking soda outside of a grocery store, so until I learn how to make it, I want to have a good supply.

Condoms. Hello! People are going to want to have sex, and STD’s aren’t just going to vanish. Yes, controlling whether you get pregnant or not is important, but not nearly as important as avoiding an STD that can kill you.

Organic seeds.I specify organic because some companies are adding things into their seeds which can prevent the plants from reproducing on their own. So I shall be gathering up as many organic seeds as I can.

Cast Iron. Nothing beats cast iron. It will hold up to a lot, you can cook with it on an open fire, and it makes a very handy weapon.

Water purifiers.Bad water can kill, and while many of the portable ones make the water taste like crap, we won’t always have time to sit and boil water. Clean water is vital, and I want to make sure I have access to it until we get a permanent settlement established. Which we will call ‘This Land,’ and if you don’t get the reference, you can’t come in. LOL!

So what have I missed? What are some of the things on your top ten things to hoard list? Don’t forget to go over your top ten lists with your teams; you want to have as much variety as possible.