Monthly Archives: October 2012

A Vampire I Want to Sink My Teeth Into

Standard

It is a Halloween Miracle!!

Like Linus wait for the Great Pumpkin many of us have waited patiently, or some not so patiently. We have watched as angsty, emo, whiny, weak vampires have dominated the screen. And now our sincerity in wanting a real vampire, waiting and knowing they are out there has been answered.

Take a moment to bask in the glory of Jonathan Rhys Meyers as Dracula!!!!

On the count of three fan girl squeal!!!!!

This is a new take on the classic story and will be set in Victorian London!!! Deep breath. Okay according to the article NBC has signed up for 10 episodes. Yes people, a grown up, sexy, evil, vampire. Our patience and ritual animal sacrifice has been rewarded!!

So make sure you moisturize your neck, you wouldn’t want the skin to be tough when he comes to visit your house.

I will be in the line at 5am for this panel at Comic Con, please book Hall H as 80% of what I want to see is always in Hall H!!!

Not sure if you want to join me in line at 5am then watch this and soak in the pretty.

Advertisements

Shopping for the Zombie Apocalypse

Standard

Zombies are big right now. Dreaming of the apocalypse, a time of no cell phones and getting to kill the people who piss you off, but only if they’re zombies of course, *whistles innocently* is something many of us daydream of. But this is serious business.

I mean what if something happens? What if there is a virus/catastrophe/fall of all that we know? Are you ready?
I thought I was ready until my son bounded out of his room all excited and showed me this:

Z.E.R.O. (Zombie Extermination, Research and Operations) Kit by OpticsPlanet, for a mere $23,999 you can have the most comprehensive extermination and research kit I’ve ever found! It is sweet, and there a ton of super fun toys in it.

While checking out this kit out we found their selection of bug-out bags. These are pre-packed bags ranging in price and equipment for when you need to run. This bag stays packed. You grab it and go.

They have a video explaining the different bags and what is in them.

This made me a bit worried. I’m not at all prepared for anything like this. I don’t have a plan, I don’t have a meet-up place to tell others about, and I don’t have anything ready to go. Okay, so maybe I don’t need a $24,000 kit, but is it a good idea to have something like this just in case?

I mean a bug-out bag could also cover needing to run from law enforcement. I mean just in case I ever get caught 🙂 LOL


Do you have a plan? Twinkies packed and ready to go? A meeting place for the few people you hope survive? Enough ammo?

Be careful what you wish for, you might get a two-year-old!

Standard

Or How the Universe helped me to do only one thing at a time.

Photo by Danilobu


A while back I was venting/complaining/sharing about how I multi-task constantly!

At this point I’m more likely to read on my laptop than my Kindle, because I can knit while reading on my laptop! Seriously the multi-tasking has gone too far.

Anyway, I guess I inadvertently “asked” the universe for help with my multi-tasking issues, because I now have a two-year-old. It is very difficult to multi-task with a two-year-old around.

I have never taken care of a child this young, and typically we aren’t licensed for under three years old, but with the foster care crisis in Arizona, we got special permission. And now I have a two-year-old.

He is very sweet, and smart, and I adore him, and he is “helping” me break my multi-tasking habit. Well, at least tone it down. Now that he’s been with me a while, I can do simple things while watching him, but most of the time I need to focus on him.

Part of me is happy to have the forced break. Of course, my writing routine is shot to hell, but I am working on a new one.

Now to help you all avoid the dreaded “Be careful what you wished for you just might get it,” I offer my standard procedures before praying/visualizing/asking for ANYTHING.

I sit down with pencil and paper. I state very clearly and out loud. “This is a rough draft. I am not asking for anything at this time.” Then I write down what I want.

Photographed by Gerard Warburg


“Dear Buddha, I would like a pony.”

I look it over, is there any way this can bite me in the ass? Do I have a sick relative with ponies? If he dies would they be left to me? Can I care for a pony? Do I want a pony or just the stable boy?

All good questions. Once answered, re-write, still in pencil and stating that this is a rough draft only!

“Dear Buddha, I would like to be able to ride horses more frequently. I want to find the time in my current schedule, and I would like enough money to be able to pay the rental fees. I ask this for my good and the greater good of those I know.”

Yes, yes, it is spiritual/ metaphysical legal speak, but trust me, it’s important.

Once you have written and re-written your request, have someone else read it over. This should be someone who loves you and doesn’t want a horse trailer to crash into your house in order to fulfill your wish.

Once you have a final copy, write it on nice paper in pen, then pray/meditate/visualize what you want. Add it to your vision board, altar, scrap book.

Good luck. And remember: be very clear about what you wish for and what you are willing to give up in order to get it!

The Betrayal of Glee

Standard

Photographed by T Algots

When Glee first came out I was so excited I couldn’t sit still when talking about it. I counted down the days from the pilot to the first show. I bought the DVDs, the CDs, went to the first live show, and got in line at 5 a.m. at Comic Con to see their panel! I was a HUGE Glee fan.

During the second season I stayed true to Glee, looking forward to Wednesday night with great anticipation. I would squeal over the episodes on FaceBook and Twitter, and talk about them with friends. And then something changed, the quality of the show changed, the integrity of the story line shifted, and the last four episodes were such disappointments.

I again went to the live show, and got in line at Comic Con to see the panelthis year in Hall H instead of a smaller ballroom at the Hilton. I was hopeful yet apprehensive as the third season started. By the fourth episode my husband had banned me from watching my once beloved show because I ranted and raved at all the gaping plot holes and huge mistakes in the story line.

Now I see commercials for season four, and the pain of betrayal, the grief of losing a favorite show, and the desire to get back to the Glee they started with is fresh in my heart and mind. I have been told that it has gotten better, and that the new people they are bringing on are amazing. I’ve been encouraged to give Glee another chance, but I’m just not sure. Let’s look at the extent of the betrayal, maybe you can help me decide.

Photographer T Algots


Rule to keep in mind- keep your fiction true. It doesn’t matter if it’s police, teens, or vampires, you must keep true to your story, plot, and world building.
The betrayals:

1. Blaine’s age. There is a wonderful post here on the subject, but basically the writers realized how popular Darren Criss is, and that they wrote a story where half their cast was going to graduate and leave, and they didn’t want their big money train to vanish, so they made him a junior in the third season. A junior!!! Suddenly Kurt is a year older than his boyfriend, um NO no no no. I am sorry, and I understand not wanting your beloved characters to leave, but hello this is what you wrote. Do they not watch BBC, aka the God of television?? You can end a beloved show, a show people still want more of when your story line has ended. If you don’t want to do that, you can still turn to the wisdom of BBC and GET NEW CHARACTERS! Yes people love specific characters, but we also love good writing, directing, and dance numbers. We will mourn the people who leave and embrace the new ones coming in. Don’t believe me? Dr. Who should be proof enough of this.

2. Sue. I love Sue’s character. I adore her evil, barely sane plans, her evil snarky dialog, and her evil track outfits. However, the writers gave her a growth arc. She grewjust a bitin season 2. And then in season 3 she is back with her focus to destroy Glee, again, after they choose to have her grow past this. WTF!!!! This isn’t okay. You, as the writers, are the Gods of this Universe. Choose what will work for the whole series. Don’t backtrack. That is cheap, shoddy writing. Laura K. Hamilton did the same thing in her Anita Blake series, which I loved and now won’t bother reading. Anita slowly grew, she learned, she made different choices, and she tried hard. Then in, what, book 12 or 13, the one with the weretigers, gone. All the growth especially towards her men and their relationships, gone. I no longer have any respect for Anita as a character and Laura as a writer. This was a huge mistake. I don’t care what happens to them anymore. Growth arcs are important and need to be maintained. Be a good writer and don’t write yourself into a corner.

3. Speaking of growth arcs, let’s talk about Sam who had the biggest growth arc in season 2, at least I thought so. Then let’s discuss how he wanted a full-time contract and the jerks at Glee said no and fired him. I can’t begin to describe how pissed I was at Comic Con when the producer told us this. Okay, so, I have paraphrased but the key bits are true. No Sam, and it’s Glee’s producers fault. And I knew in that moment, I knew they would give Mercedes a stereotypical big black boyfriend. And I am so sorry to say I was right. Now they brought Sam back when the fans threw a fit. But still some people over at Glee got too big for their britches and seriously FUBAR-ed on that one.

4. Parents, where are they? I understand that standard teen stories require the absence of parents, but Glee takes this to an unrealistic level. Rachael didn’t become such an egomaniac diva on her own, her parents were there every step of the way except at ALL of the Glee performances. Seriously, Glee, and a live school band, performed to an almost empty auditorium. Really? Not one parent showed up? Not one wanted to see their child sing, dance, play their instrument? I don’t believe that for a second.

5. Quinn. This nitpick isn’t a huge betrayal but still pissed me off. Through her whole pregnancy she wanted to give the baby up for adoption, which she did in an open adoption. Then in season two she seems fine. Season three she loses her mind and is determined to get her baby back. You can’t get a baby back once you have given it up, and in a country with a huge teen pregnancy rate, you choose to make adoption bad/scary/emotionally difficult. Thanks, good karma points there, guys.

6. Coach Beiste in season 3 sits down to lunch, which is an entire chicken. How dare you. How dare you create a show about accepting people for who they are, about honoring who you are, and about friendship and then pull this shit! I felt embarrassed for the actress and I felt bad for heavy kids watching the show. Also, with all they did with weight and body image regarding Mercedes, it just didn’t fit. This was the last show I watched.

7. Parents, part 2, plus the ULTIMATE BETRAYAL. Okay, we have to go back to Blaine again and to the deepest wound in the whole Glee betrayal. THEY LIED TO US AT COMIC CON!!!!! I know, right, how dare they? They (producers and writers) assured a room full of 7,000 fans that Blaine would NOT be leaving Dalton, and that the Warblers would still be around. LIES!!!! First off, where are his parents? What parent in the right mind would allow their gay son, who was beaten up and bullied before in public school, go back to one known for having a huge bullying problems?? AND Blaine was at a prep school, where not only was he safe, but he also was getting the kind of education that changes the opportunities in his life. We are supposed to believe that his parents let him leave a school he was happy at and doing well in to follow his boyfriend to a horrible public school? NO NO NO!! This is simply not right or true or real. No half-way decent parents would allow their child to mess up his future to follow his boyfriend, a boyfriend who is a senior and will be leaving. And how shitty is that of Kurt? To beg his boyfriend to follow him to a crappy school where he’ll get bullied to be with him for a year! And then Kurt will leave him! ACK!!! Now they’ve made Kurt a jerk.

Photographer T Algots

So my dear Spider friends what do you think: should I give Glee another chance?

Have you ever been betrayed by a show or book series? If so please feel free to use the comments section as a safe place to purge your feelings.

I survived the first 18 years!!!

Standard


My son, Logan, is turning 18 on Friday and I want a gift.

Yes, I know traditionally the birthday boy would a get a gift, and he will. I’m thinking of getting him a passport so he can go on all these grand adventures he has planned. It is significant because I’m 38 and I have never even had or needed a passport.

I’m also giving him money because there is an EMT class he is saving up to take over the summer.

Don’t worry, he doesn’t read my blog and even if he did, he already knows about this stuff.

Anyway back to ME! Not only did I survive his first 18 years, but I also have molded him into the amazing young man he is today, and I think I should get a birthday gift on his 18th birthday. Diamonds are always nice 🙂

Photographer gunner07

Logan is unconvinced. At every opportunity I let him know how I, personally, have made his life better.
Examples:

Logan: I have really good eye hand coordination.
Me: That’s because I breast fed you. Bottle-fed babies tend to be held the same way every time, but I had to switch you from one side to another which means you had one eye and one hand free, then the next time the other. So as you looked around, at me, grabbed for things, you used both your hands and eyes through the day.
Logan: Huh

Logan: I’m really glad that I chose to go to St. Gregory.
Me: That’s because of me.
Logan: No, you can’t claim this one, I asked, I biked for the internship, I got in.
Me: Um, hello! I was trying to be a good mom and homeschool you at the level you needed to get in Annapolis (the school he wanted to go to at 14). You refused to get out of bed, so I sent you to Edge High School, where you were taken on a field trip to St. Gregory’s ropes course. You are now at St. Gregory’s thriving and happy because of me.
Logan sniffed and changed the subject.

I could go on and on about how the good things in Logan’s life and the things he likes about himself are as a direct result of ME.

So what do you think my Spider friends, should moms get a gift on their child’s 18th birthday??

And don’t worry I haven’t forgotten about dads. They get presents on the kids 21st birthday.

Waiting for Spock

Standard

Photo by Mary Carson

When my sister and I were little we would dress up in my mother’s old bridesmaid dresses and play games in the yard. Most of the time we played Star Trek. (The original series; the others weren’t around yet.)

We would be princesses of some planet, and we needed to be rescued. We would walk back and forth, yellow and peach taffeta twirling around us, as we worked out the details and searched for our rescuers. I almost always picked Spock to rescue me. My sister picked Kirk. Yes, she has questionable taste.


It worked out well as we never fought about over who would get which man; at least I never remember fighting.
In fact I don’t remember our fighting over anything when we played Star Trek. We fought a lot as kids and teens, but not then. See, Star Trek is a tool for peace.

To this day when I a feel a warm evening breeze, I am instantly taken back to the days when I sister and I were princesses of an alien world in mortal peril with our Star Fleet heroes coming to our rescue.

Who saved you as a child? Or were you the one doing the rescuing?

Ninja Roaches!

Standard

Photo by BrokenSphere


Last year a woman moved in upstairs and brought cockroaches with her. Not the big sewer roaches, but the small, evil, little brown ones that can live between the pages of a book. I have kept everything clean, bombed, sprayed, and found out Pine-Sol works the best, FYI.

At first I just screamed, ran to find a shoe, and hoped the roach would stay put. But now that I am a master roach assassin, I’ve even smacked a few with my bare hands!

However, every time I go for one I worry that this one will be a ninja roach. I imagine the massacre would look like this:

As I reach out, tissue in my hand to squish the roach clinging to the wall with its dirty feet, the roach blocks the tissue, grabs my finger, and flips me onto my back.

As the breath is forced out of my body, the roach gives a battle cry before biting off my finger.

I scream as thousands of roaches cover my body, their tiny feet crawling over me like tiny needles. They began to feast on my flesh. They devour my body within minutes. The bones take longer, but by morning there is nothing left of me.

Rod looks everywhere, wondering where I have gone. Then he spots the crumpled tissue on the floor. A delicate spray of my blood is the only sign something bad has happened.

Realizing the roaches have killed me, he quickly packs up the children and drives away, fearing that the roaches might attack them next.


And this is what flashes before my eyes everything I go and squish a roach, which is why I should be honored for bravery for each and every kill.

Are you a good bug killer?

Cat Radio

Standard

Photographed by lasop

I grew up in Alaska, and sometimes it was just too cold and dark to play outside. So my sister and I would play games, watch TV, and eventually get bored. Then we would attack the cats. The poor, poor cats. They would be dressed up in our old baby clothes. We tried to train them, but they were resistant One when I was about eight time they were our special guests on our radio show.

I had a tape recorder; it was pink with those black oil stickers that changed color when you touch them, remember those? The cat, Pooder (my sister named her) was dressed in a lovely white baby dress with blue flowers and lace trim. I held Pooder and my sister, Brandy, asked her questions:

Miss Kitty, how are you today?
Meow.

Oh good. Tell us about your new movie.
Merow, Meow, grrr
That sounds wonderful!

And the questions went on. But you see, cats don’t just speak on command, and Brandy and I weren’t patient children, and we needed Pooder to speak, so we squeezed her.

When you squeeze a cat, they will meow because, well, honestly, they don’t like it.

So there we were for an hour or so asking very professional questions of a cat in a dress and squeezing her for answers. We had a great time and were grateful that my mom had the cats de-clawed, otherwise our radio show would have failed.

Now Brandy and I were very excited about our radio show and ran downstairs to play it for our parents.
Mom asked very calmly, “Alica, Brandy, how did you get the cat to meow?”

Me (very proud), “Oh we just squeezed her, and she meowed.”

I don’t think my parents have ever laughed so hard in their lives! Our radio show was a success! Brandy and were very proud and imagined a radio empire!

Unfortunately it was our last show, as my parents, once they caught their breath, banned us from ever doing it again.
And that was the end of our radio career. This just meant Brandy and I had to come up with new things to do with the cats. The poor, poor cats.

Photographed Shealah Craighead

Did you traumatize nay pets when you were little?

Superwoman Crazy

Standard

I frequently have posted deep, personal, reflective things about myself and my life. This usually happens during the darker, depressed part of my Eccentric Artistic Process. So today, while I’m all Superwoman Type A, I thought I would share with you what a typical day looks like. I can’t have you thinking I sit around in the dark, bemoaning the bleakness of my soul all the time 🙂

I wake up because I have to pee. The sky is light enough, so I know my alarm will go off soon. I don’t want to get out of bed. I roll over, ignore my bladder, and close my eyes.

5:45 My alarm goes off. I think, as every other morning, that I really should change the radio station to something I actually like. I get ready for the day, pee, put in contacts, brush teeth, throw on work-out clothes, and braid my hair.

6:15 Put soap in the washing machine, set temp, wake children, have kid whose day it is to do laundry strip the bed and put sheets and blankets in the wash. Wrestle two-year-old into a clean diaper and clothes. Must put on his shoes. He always has to have his shoes on it’s a bit obsessive.

6:30 Set up breakfast. We have it brought in, so we just set up the trays and get it ready for staff to serve. Listen to two-year-old child screech at me while I put out food. He wakes very hungry. I guess sleeping is hard work.

6:40 Serve breakfast, set timer for kid who needs to leave by 7 a.m. to catch bus, turn on washing machine, or yell at remind child to put the sheets in the washer!

6:43 Do 30 minutes of yoga with kids who want to join me. Desperately try to find inner peace with giggling, goofing off, and (you guessed it) two-year-old screeching.

7:20 Feed rest of children while I eat fresh fruit, which my husband makes me every morning (otherwise I would eat something covered in cheese), fill out paperwork for the work kids (I have to report behavior, contact with family, etc.) Must not add opinions, voice, or style.

7:45 Brush two-year-old’s teeth. I sing the ABC Song twice to make sure we brush them long enough. I tidy the house, make sure everyone is ready for school, switch laundry to dryer, sort, spray, and wash kids clothes. Wow, I sound really functional!

8:00 Make sure kids are with the staff. Three walk to elementary school, and one walks to day care. I take the kids who leave later to my house.

8:05 Sit and write while ignoring endless chatter from eleven-year-old.

8:20 Stop writing and send the middle school kids out to be driven to school.

8:30 Check word count, close up house, get stuff for gym.

8:40 Check in at office, gossip, find out what stupid things The Powers That Be are doing now, and escape the black hole that is the office to meet up with my gym buddy. If you don’t have a gym buddy you should get one. Without mine I would never go to the gym!

9:10 Work out. Today was 30 minutes of cross training on elliptical. I went 2.4miles and burned 347 calories while talking with Amber and checking out the others at the gym. Look! The Guy Who Should Smell His Age is here again.

10:15 Home, make protein shake, take shower before drinking it. The frozen fruit makes it too cold to drink right after working out. Check emails, because I’m addicted and can’t stay away from the internet for long without withdrawal symptoms.

11:00 Drink shake, check email again, do a quick check of Facebook and Twitter. Spend FAR, FAR too long goofing off. Shut down internet and finish meeting word count goal of 1000 words per day.

12:00 Make lunch, eat while checking Facebook, Twitter. Yes again. Stop judging me! Read some blogs.

12:30 Do dishes, start another load of laundry, and begin prepping veggies and such for dinner. Ha ha ha! Fooled you! I’m still on the internet!

12:45 Feeling guilty, so I do some prep for dinner.

1:15 Nap. I love naps.

2:10 Freshen up for work. Check email.

2:30 Work. Check work email and calendar and go to office.

2:40 Bring kids back to the house and feed them snack while asking about their day and seeing what they have for homework, and do the next load of the kids laundry.

3:00 Send kids to the learning center, a blessed place where there are tutors to help them with their homework. Read to and play with two-year-old, fold laundry, do book blurb class homework, and read email and blogs.

4:20 Kids come back. Check their homework, make sure they did their reading, then let them play outside on the playground. I will either read, knit, or push the two-year-old on the swing. Talk to my two personal children when they come home from school.

5:10 Add four more kids to the playground while another staff preps dinner.

5:30 Dinner

6:00 Do last of kid’s laundry, bathe two-year-old, send others into showers, have them tidy rooms and do a chore.
6:45 Bedtime snack for those who are hungry. Two-year-old is always hungry 🙂

6:55 Teeth brushing, and I make sure kitchen is tidy.

7:00 Everyone in bed and tucked in, lights out. I read to kids.

7:30 I sit down and eat dinner hubby made me (I’m vegetarian and allergic to gluten, so I can’t eat what is brought in) and watch So You Think You Can Dance. I’ve missed the first half hour, so during commercials, I check YouTube to see if people have uploaded the routines I’ve missed, then check emails, Facebook, and chat with hubby. Maybe too much multi-tasking? Set my computer aside to knit while watching TV. Hey, I can’t be idle. Cry when they send two dancers home.

9:00 Check on kids, lock doors, turn on alarm, get ready for bed, do belly dance isolations and shimmies while brushing teeth.

Boy child comes downstairs. Why do teenagers want to talk only between 9 p.m. and 1 a.m.??

Midnight: Finally get to bed. Dear Lord, I’m going to be tired tomorrow!

And that is what a Superwoman day looks like in my Cycle of Eccentric Artistic Process. A depressed day? Take all the productive stuff not involving the kids and replace that with reading smut and sleeping, LOL.

If only I could harness this! I must admit I can keep my days looking more like this when I eat right, sleep well, and exercise! Of course knowing this doesn’t always stop me from sleeping all day and eating yummy fried things covered in chocolate.

Do you have cycles in your life? Have you ever written down what you do on a “good” day or do you only judge yourself by your “bad” days?