I spent yesterday in a six hour PTSD workshop, then last night at 2am one of the work kids woke up and it took 45min to get him back to sleep, so right now I’m tired, moody, and also analyzing myself for any signs of PTSD. I’m not sure if this blog will ever see the light of day; my editor usually protects me from making a total fool of myself on my blog.- If this is too much info, she’ll protect me from myself yet again.
One of the things the presenter talked about was people with PTSD aren’t afraid of what happened, they are afraid of what will happen in the future. This is an issue I have. Years ago hubby started his own business, and we discovered a fatal flaw in our marriage: both of us suck in money management. Things went badly, and I apparently have money/fear issues because I freaked out and became horribly depressed as we went through that period.
The experience was traumatic enough for me that even today I react to money issues. Going online to check the bank account makes my stomach tight, I breathe shallowly, and get light headed. It’s the not knowing, the what ifs that wreak havoc in my body.
One of my dreams of being a rich and famous author is having enough money that I pay someone else to manage it and I never have to see a bill or balance my bank account again. Sad isn’t it?
Hubby wonders if I’ll ever feel secure, even if I had a million dollars. I’m not sure, but I’m willing to have millions and give it a shot 🙂
Another thing the presenter talked about is that once you feel the trigger for your trauma begin, to take slow deep breaths and consciously change what you’re thinking. Create a ‘safe place’ or new reality.
So this is what I am going to try to do. Whenever I am about to deal with money issues I will take slow deep breaths and imagine myself on a tropical island relaxing in a hammock and a beautiful young man bringing me a drink. Of course I might never get around to doing the paperwork, but at least I’ll be happy and my cortisol levels will be lower. This is good, apparently.
Any advice on overcoming old ingrained trauma? Do you have something that still affects you?