Being My Own Best Friend


In the coming year one of my goals is to be treating myself as I would my best friend. Not only is my inner dialog full of ugliness, but I don’t care for myself very well. If my best friend were allergic to wheat, I would never serve it to her. I would make sure there were treats around she could eat. A pretty glass candy jar like the kind my Grandma has full of hard candies, ginger candies, and really dark chocolate, so she could have a sweet treat but not be tempted to eat a bunch of them. If there were something tempting, I would hold her hand and remind her that her health is important and together we could get through these few minutes.

Yet I give into wheat temptation all the time, leaving myself tired, headachy, and sick.

If my best friend were trying to lose weight, I would serve her healthy, yummy foods. I wouldn’t cover things in cheese or stock quick heat-’em-up foods in the house when I know she’s so busy that they’ll be a temptation. I would support her any way I could. Making salads, or making sure there are leftovers from healthy dinners, and definitely encouraging her to go to bed early so she feels like working out in the mornings. But I don’t do these things for myself.

If my friend wanted to take a class, or needed new clothes, or a vacation, I would help her go through the finances and schedule and figure out how to make it happen. I would make these things a priority. Because her happiness is a priority. Yet mine isn’t.

I would NEVER EVER tell my best friend she is worthless, ugly, lazy, a failure, or stupid. If she didn’t get something done, or fell behind in her routines, I would smile and remind her that we all do these things. Together we would take a deep breath and I would ask her, what one thing, just one, can you do to help yourself get back on track. This is great advice from a dear friend of mine. Then I would remind her of all the good and positive things she has done, and how much she has in her life to be grateful for, and what wonderful things are coming up in the future. Do I talk like that to myself? No of course not. I berate myself and say nasty things driving my depression deeper. Why do we do this? Who taught us to do this? And how do I keep my kids from following this pattern?

In 2012 I’m going to treat myself like I’m my best friend. Anyone want to join me? What five steps could you take to care for yourself as if you were caring for your best friend?

I’m going to-
1. Write a gratitude journal everyday.
2. Make myself that candy jar.
3. Make healthy yummy foods.
4. Get enough sleep so I can take proper care of myself.
5. When I’m feeling upset or craving something I’m going to write down, Right now I feel _______. This will pass. I will take care of myself as soon as I can. Until then I will do __________.
I’ve used this before, and it really helped.

In the spirit of things that make me happy boy bands- today’s is from England McFly “The Heart Never Lies”

18 responses »

  1. I’m not a person that does New Year’s resolutions, but I like this one. I think I’ll be my own best friend this year too! Great post!!

  2. Lovely video, Alica. Thank you. AND man did you write a GREAT blog today. I don’t remember when I had this same discussion but it was sometime in the last few years with my sister, maybe, and we were talking about how we treat “others” nicer than we treat ourselves and how that doesn’t make any sense at all! You hit the nail on the proverbial head with this post and it was a great kick in the arse for me today! I haven’t been feeling too well lately because I’m allowing the holiday stress and dealing with my teenage son “get to me” and I feel sick every single day. So, I have to be my own very, very best buddy and say to myself what I’d say to my best friend if this were happening to her. I thank you from the bottom of my heart for this beautiful post, Alica.
    And, hey, as one virtual friend to another, you’re a kind and good soul, Alica. Be kind and good to yourself.

    • *hugs* Life can easily get overwhelming and for whatever reason it seems to make us treat ourselves worse then normal. Be kind, take care of yourself, and things will get better. I’m sorry you’re feeling so poorly know that I’m thinking of you and wishing you well. And teenagers- well they can really suck, but give him time I’m sure he’ll grow out of it. Your a great mom and have given him a strong foundation, he’ll come back to it 🙂
      I hope my post helps you – you deserve the best especially from yourself!

  3. This is a fabulous post, Alica! You’re so right, we never treat ourselves the way we treat our best friends. I like your #5 of what you’ll write down when you’re tempted. When I went off wheat and gluten back in August, I recited much the same when I was tempted, and I also told myself over and over “I don’t need it.” Good luck because you are so worth it!

  4. Absolutely beautiful post! We definitely need to be our own best friend. I think we’re often our own best frenemy. LOL. We unleash our inner mean girl all over ourselves. Ugh. No more! 😀

  5. Hi Alica,

    Tears came to my eyes as I read your post today. You are very brave. Years ago, I was my own worst enemy. The negative self-talk led to severe depression. I didn’t feel in control of my emotions or life.

    Acknowledging a bad habit (whatever it may be) and what emotional damage it incurs is the first step to vanquishing it. When you make a mistake or make a wrong choice in a moment of weakness, say, “Well, that was a stupid thing to do. I’ll try not to do that again. Instead, I’ll ____.” Separate the action from your self-esteem, just like you would do with a child/friend.

    I’ve accomplished so much in my personal life these past few years because I’ve changed my outlook. I no longer look to others to make me happy; I do little things for me each day (hence the Margarita Moments and Other Escapes blog…) because I deserve it.

    You deserve health, happiness, and success. This is your year to turn the negative into positive. I’m right here beside you, rooting us all on the whole way!! 🙂

    • Thank you Jolyse! That’s exactly how I feel emotionally out of control, and the negative self talk make a vicious spiral!
      For me it’s all about remembering to take the time to learn a new positive habit- now whenever I see your blog it’ll remind me to have fun and treat myself to the good things in life!
      Thank you for you’re support it means so much. I’ll have to update every now and then- hopefully with how well I’m doing. 🙂

  6. This is such a great idea! We almost never give ourselves permission to be good to us. Why? Because we’re always so busy seeing to the needs of others. We’re socialized that way…just try stopping and the wave will crash!

    The good news is, you ARE worth it. And so am I. And so it every other woman (or man) who does too much, takes on too much, and still has to figure out a way to make it all happen. Nothing lasts forever, so it’s all got a shelf-life and a time-stamp. Wait out the blues. Outlast the grumpies. Kick that bad attitude to the curb.

    Eat a chocolate. It really helps. ; )

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