Accepting Sensativity

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I am a sensitive person. I don’t mean this in a – I need thousand thread count sheets and my food served at exactly eighty-seven degrees because I’m very delicate and sensitive. I mean I’m a very emotional person, which can make life difficult.

There are books I’d love to read yet I’m afraid to because of how sad or angry I’ll become.

In my job I have kids come and go from my care. Some I’m happy to send on their way, just so long as they go. There are others who are being placed somewhere good, a well arranged foster placement, with healthy family, or sometimes adoptive parents. Then there are those kids who, through issues with the system, are going somewhere that breaks my heart. I will try to avoid venting about that here.

I have co-workers who are able to detach. They care for the kids, have fun with them, and love on them and don’t cry and become depressed when they leave.

I tried to be detached. I just wound up bitchy and resentful, not a fun place for anyone. So I’m trying to open my heart, accept that I’m an emotional person, and I’ll cry when some of them leave, feel betrayed by the system, get depressed, and wallow in self pity. I’m sure all of you will get to read about it here.

I’m not emotionally stable, but I’m not broken, there’s nothing to fix. And maybe someday I’ll learn a few more coping skills or at least make sure I always have a full supply of fine quality chocolates and funny comedy romance novels to get me through the rough times.

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13 responses »

  1. Well, Alica, just let me say that you must be a very special person to be able to work in an environment such as the one you describe. It sounds noble and awesome yet sad and disappointing at times as well. And I can’t imagine doing it. You are doing something most people could not do. That makes you unique and one-of-a-kind.
    Patti

  2. Thanks for this lovely, insightful post, Alica. I can relate to high sensitivity and the advantages and challenges it brings. I bet that your sensitive nature helps you empathize and connect with others (including the kids you work with) and write as well as you. Looking inward and analyzing why you experience rough moods speaks of your good heart and intentions. Therapy has helped me! LOL As has writing. Stay well and please keep us posted!

    • I loved going to my councilor, he really helped be balance things, then my son got into an expensive school and it’s me and writing- when I remember to take care of myself. I does help me connect, which can be good and bad, hopefully it helps me be a better writer.

  3. What a wonderful post Alica! Boy am I ever glad I stepped out this evening and visited your post. I applaud you for your sensitivity and your strength for sharing your feelings so openly with all of us. That takes bravery to put those feelings on the line. Thank you for entrusting us with your feelings. I also am a very sensitive person. It isn’t easy living this way. Yet, I would rather be sensitive than to be thick skinned. I want the ability to have fellow feeling for others so that I can be supportive and care. Those children are so fortunate to have someone like you, even if temporary, be a part of their lives. You have a big heart Alica. Stay true to yourself and keep writing. It’s great therapy. Take care. 🙂

    • Thank you so much Karen! I’m working on balance and trying to see everything in a positive light- some days are easier then others. I’m sure once the holiday’s are over and our routine goes back to normal I’ll be in a better space.

  4. Alica, that was a a moving post. I’m a pretty sensitive person as well. But having the jobs I had for the past 20 years (working with kids and families) would have torn me apart if I’d let it. I had to figure out a way to cut those emotions off.It was difficult and I didn’t like feeling the void when I did so, but it was self-preservation for me. And of course I wasn’t always successful. But we have to each handle things the way that it is best for us. As I’ve said before, the children are lucky to have you. Take care of yourself!

    • Thank you Rhonda- it is hard to find balance with being sensitive and being detached- I suck at it, but I’m learning to cope. I think it’s easier for me because I just have the kids- I don;t have to know what the adults are doing- thank goodness other wise I think I’d go all vigilante.

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